It's very easy to romanticize marriage especially when the couple in question is young. We say things like they were meant to be together. They're soulmates. How romantic to find the one your heart loves so young. And teenagers nothing thrills them more than hearing about relationships, and if you ever want to hear a thrilling, dramatic, real-life love story just ask them about their own dating lives.
Slowly some of my students have figured out that I'm married, I chose early on to identify myself as Ms. rather than Mrs. for a variety of reasons including: I really don't want to talk much about my personal life with my teens. It's kind of sweet how romantic the teens (mainly the girls) will get when you mention you're married. They know little about me and nothing about him, but it must have been so romantic. True love.
The ironic thing is while I love him incredibly and my love for him only grows, when I first met him there wasn't a shadow of a spark. Honestly, I thought he was a weirdo. I met him at a friend's movie night. To this day I cannot remember what he said, but I remember his jokes were awkward and that I thought he was lame because he didn't go out for ice cream with all of us afterwards. I didn't even write about meeting him in my journal it was that unremarkable.
Next semester though we were in the same literature course together and not on purpose, he was slowly becoming my best friend. Then he started smelling really good; next thing I knew I had a crush on him. We awkwardly got together and the rest is history.
It's so easy to say that.
I could tell you wonderful stories about these past six years together. Yet, what you might not know is that we weren't initially attracted to each other, because sometimes love stories don't start with love at first sight. You might not know that within six months he was sure he wanted to marry me, and on my side, I'd just decided that we might last a whole year. You might not know that we almost broke up around our first anniversary. You might not know that we went through hard times together and loving him made me feel so helpless in the midst of his struggling.
We've all heard the fairy tale trope: Misunderstood woman goes through life until handsome Prince discovers her, loves her at first sight, and helps her to be the woman she was always meant to be--cut the BS. Sometimes the prince and woman need to grow up together and apart before they can commit. Sometimes they don't even realize they've found each other until long after they've met. Always the woman is more capable of life and wholeness than she realizes with or without the prince.
Fairy tales are called that for a reason. Our love stories are complex, mixed with heart break, and full of surprises.In my college years I wrote a lot of stories about people breaking up, and people making major shifts because even though husband and I never broke our story has not always been happy. We remember that when things hit the fan, and the other person is just being so irritating,our relationship is so much more than what we feel for each other.
Cheesy, but true love is a choice. Part of why we are still together and more loving than ever is because I decided I wanted to love husband long term. It was no longer harmless fun. I was beginning to commit. I was saying I choose you, I love you, it was only a matter of time after that to marriage. At least for us.
So what's the secret? Why do we keep choosing each other, choosing love, choosing loyalty especially when we don't have to be married? Jesus. I don't know it that's what you were expecting. I don't always know how to say this to my non-Christian friends in a way they can follow because the way I love my husband is because I have a great example of love. Jesus intimately shows his love to me daily (even when I close my eyes to it). Each day he shows me what true love is. And because I'm so confident in his love, I can love my husband.
Because the truth is no human partner can love us in all the ways we need, but Jesus can. And when we are confident in how loved we are it frees us to love others. So I love my husband despite our messy "fairy tale". The real honest reason we need Jesus is because true unadulterated love is a force so beyond us, but somehow we give it in our own imperfect humanness. It grows and unfolds. It's beautiful. Don't listen to the fairy tales that promise instant love that keeps you happy forever and always. Real love is messy and complex. Real love is colored as much by tears as by laughter. It comes from a Source way beyond ourselves. I appreciate the love story I've had because it's messy, it's awkward, and most of all it's real.
I hope you too can appreciate your story whether there's a Prince/Princess or something else entirely. When we open our lives up to Jesus and his love we open our lives up to a complex love story. Maybe it will be a traditional fairy tale ending in marriage, but whatever path you take it will be good because once you've experienced the love of Jesus you'll never settle for anything less.
