Depending on your schedule, you may just now be going off to college for the first time. And I know you've heard about how to do your laundry and use the dining hall and get organized. But are you really ready? The psychological leap from living at home to living on campus is massive, and it can be intimidating. Different people handle it differently, and it also depends on how far from home you're going. Partially because I went to an out-of-state college, I had a rough time adjusting, even though my brother happens to go to the same place. But, in the end, I established a wonderful life at Rose-Hulman. Here's how to survive the transition, illustrated by my own anecdotes:
1. The first couple of weeks can be rough, and you just have to make it through
Different people respond differently to going away from home. Maybe going away is the greatest thing ever for you, and it's all just a giant party. That's great, but you could also panic once you realize things will never be the same again. If this is the case, you will probably go through a phase of despair, where you wonder why on earth one would leave home behind and even your parents don't seem so annoying now. The trick is to remember that humans are adaptive creatures and can adjust even to legitimately unpleasant environments, let alone a welcoming college campus. It just takes time to get through the worst of it.
At Rose-Hulman, we have freshman orientation the week before classes start, so there's no break between them. That week was surreal for me. I experienced despair tinged with panic multiple times a day - I was alone and not making friends as well as I would have liked. Everything was uncertain. But one thing I did know is that it would end. I knew I just had to wait for things to settle down, and it would get better. It also helped that the RA's and SA's (sophomore advisers, basically like RA's who are primarily there to hang out with freshmen) kept us busy. There were times where I went from crying to laughing in a few minutes because I knew the best thing I could do for myself is to get lost in the fun around me. This is the time to just make it through and focus on the present.
2. See what services your school has if things stay rough
If you're still unhappy weeks after leaving home, even if not as much as at first, it's time to seek the help of some sort of counseling service. Many colleges have a counseling center to help students with mental health. Rose-Hulman, for example, has a counseling center where you can get one-on-one or group therapy sessions, depending on what you need. These sorts of services are very helpful if you need someone to talk to or adjust to college life. Seeing a counselor for adjustment issues is like going to the hospital after breaking a bone: in the long run, you'll be OK for good, but still need to have your injury treated.
I was definitely happier after classes started. While I welcome the way orientation week distracted me, it started to become a bit too much. I got to settle into a routine and focus on my classes.
But I still wasn't happy. In retrospect, I had very high expectations for college, which were inevitably thwarted. I assumed I would find people I really clicked with almost immediately, and that my classes would be more interesting than in high school. In reality, it took me a long time to establish meaningful connections, and introductory classes aren't that exciting. While college isn't bad,it was bad compared to what I had hoped for and disappointed me quite a bit.
Most of the time I was fairly content, but I had these phases where I would have to sit back from my life and cry for a little while. Finally, I decided I had enough of this and vowed to go to Rose-Hulman's counseling center the next day. And I did, even though I felt alright then. I ended up meeting weekly with a graduate student studying psychology from Indiana State University, the other college in town. His help was all I needed to get back on track. Talking to him was immensely helpful, and helped me put things in perspective. Your future is up in the air the first few months of college; just because things aren't alright now doesn't mean they will never be.
3. Make friends in your res hall, in classes, and in clubs
Counseling helped, but what ultimately left me feeling whole was making meaningful friendships. Whether you're going to a giant state school or a small private one, you're not guaranteed to meet your future best friend. You have to make an effort to meet people you'll get along with. Fortunately, you're more likely to share a few interests with people who chose the same school.
At first,my social life did not go so well. I hoped that just by being at an engineering college, I would click with a good plurality of my class. But I am a bit of an unusual engineering student since I still love the humanities, and want to talk philosophy. There are others like me, but it was difficult to find them. In my own Scharpenberg Hall, the group of people I almost exclusively hung out with the first few weeks of school, I made a lot of acquaintances but few deeper friendships.
In my classes, meanwhile, I talked to a few people, but never for very long. Maybe you'll have a different experience, but at the very least it's a good idea to know people in your class to discuss homework with. It can't hurt.
Still, what helped me the most was joining clubs. Some of my best friends come from our board game club. I felt right at home the first meeting I went to, and have spent hours and hours playing and having fun. And I love the people in our improv club and chapter of Engineers Without Borders,the other organizations I joined.
Keep in mind that being a social animal doesn't mean you have to go to parties - it's great if that's your thing, but there's no need to go. Just hanging out for half an hour does wonders for your mental well-being.
I doubt that my experience is entirely typical. I went out-of-state, yet also to the same place as my brother. And I am a little neurotic- not so much to impede my quality of life, but I am prone to a certain amount of anxiety. But I think everyone experiences some level of homesickness or regrets about going away. For many students starting college,this is one of the greater milestones in life, one that represents a significant degree of autonomy from their parents. But if I can make it through, so can you.
