If you’ve ever ridden a horse in your life, then you know that horses are strange, unpredictable creatures. One second you’re happily trotting along the side of the arena, and the next you’re bolting toward the center of the arena holding on for dear life as your horse broncs, bucks and rears and your mother sits in the corner on the edge of her seat about to cry. Your trainer, on the other hand, is probably laughing and placing bets on whether or not you’re gonna fall. Unless you’re one of the lucky few to own the mythical “bombproof pony,” then you’ll know that you always have to expect the unexpected when on a horse. Everyone tells you that falling off makes you a better rider. In fact, my dad used to say that you aren’t a good rider until you’ve fallen off at least a hundred times (a quota which I am forced to say I have probably met). But doesn’t it make you a better rider if you don’t fall off your horse? So here are a few tips and tricks that I’ve picked up that will help you avoid getting unseated by your wild, frisky steed.
1. Never Open an Umbrella in the Vicinity of a horse.
“It’s Alive!”
2. Allow no other wildlife to come near the arena.
“That thing could definitely be an evil, maniacal pony eating monster!”
3. Remove all steaming piles of poo, even if from your own horse.
“That’s just not normal.”
4. Never ask your horse to go deep into the corners of the far side of the arena.
“Definitely haunted.”
5. If you see a bag flapping or floating through the other way, run like your life depends on it.
6. Never ask your horse to jump anything that could be hiding a crocodile.
“Can’t touch me if I jump really high!”
7. Do not, under any circumstances, ride by normal looking bushes or flowers.
“There is definitely a monster in there”
8. If you see something on the ground that was not there before, do not attempt to pass.
“IT’S ALIVE”
9. NEVER ask your horse to cross a puddle.
“Didn’t you know sharks live in puddles?!”
10. Do not leave normal lead ropes or lunge lines on the ground.
“OMG SNAKE!! GOTTA RUN!”
11. Don’t even try going to a horse show. Recipe for disaster.
“So many things to be scared of!!!”
12. Never ever ride in weather under 60 degrees and windy, especially in early fall.
“I feel alive! So much energy! So much crazy! Let's gooooooo!!”
13. Always request that people approach you and your horse from the front so he or she is visible, and make sure they are walking slowly and preferably have a handful of carrots ready.
14. If you see something moving, back away slowly and steadily.
“Holy sh** it moved!”
15. The easiest way to never fall off your horse, honestly, is to never get on your horse.
“I’m prettier to look at from the ground anyway”
