I didn't grow up with the perfect childhood so when I found out I was pregnant with my son Patrick I was determined to give him the best life possible but little did I know the obstacles I would have to overcome just to do that. Usually when you have a baby you think of a happy family, successful careers, and a happy home. HA, I was wrong. I was eighteen, scared, a drop out, and the father of my child was not a good person but that's a different story I'll tell later. Thankfully things didn't work out between us so it was just Pat and I. I was fine with that but it meant I had to work more to provide for us.

Being a single mother working 5 to 6 days a week meant that Patrick was with a babysitter or my mom so I wasn't sure if he was hitting the milestones all babies are suppose to like crawling, walking, and talking. I tried my best to feed him the right baby food or give him the appropriate tummy time just like every other mother out there. I was trying to do everything by the book because to be honest we have no clue what we are doing some times. To me Patrick was perfect and nothing seemed wrong and everything was going smoothly.

Getting closer to Patrick's first birthday I noticed that he wasn't walking or talking. This worried me because everyone else told me how early their children walked and I look at my son and he still wasn't walking. At this point in my life I had a couple of set backs. Being a single mother I couldn't afford much and I made some mistakes so we moved around a couple of times. We finally settled down and everything felt good but Patrick was still not walking or talking. I felt like a failure until one day he got up and walked across the living room without any help and my heart filled with joy. After that day he was walking and pretty much running everywhere but he still wasn't talking. What was going on that my perfect baby wasn't talking?

Going to the doctor that day I was ready to get some answers but I didn't, all I got was a referral for speech therapy and no explanation or even a mention of autism. At this point Patrick was thirteen almost fourteen months old and was really only saying ''Dada'' and babbling. So we got set up for speech therapy but of course it was in-home speech therapy at his dad's house once a week. I tried my best to work with Patrick's dad but he never showed up to the sessions and always had an excuse so it was just me going.

I started noticing little things about Patrick in the sessions with the speech therapist. He wouldn't make eye contact with her, he wouldn't share the toys or play one on one with her, and he also lined the toys up in a perfect line. I ignored it thinking he was just a toddler playing. A couple of weeks past and things were moving pretty fast, I got married to the love of my life so that meant Pat and I were getting ready to make the biggest move of our lives. So we had to quit the speech therapy sessions along with all of our other personal stuff going on and get ready to say goodbye to everyone and move almost 600 miles away.

A couple of months in Georgia and Patrick was having the hardest time adjusting so I thought. He was acting out and crying more than usual. He even started acting out in public by crying and screaming. People would stare and I wouldn't know what to do. On top of that he still wasn't talking so I made an appointment to see his new doctor. Maybe she would be more helpful than the last one. I remember taking him to Martin Army Community Hospital that day, he was acting up while we were waiting for the doctor. There were different doctors coming in and asking me so many questions about Patrick and I was getting frustrated because I wasn't getting any answers. They kept asking the same questions "What words can Patrick say?''. I kept repeating myself and getting more and more irritated. Finally his doctor came in and talked to me. She told me that she was going to refer him to speech therapy again. All I could think was seriously? It didn't help the first time. So we started speech therapy again at R&R Rehabilitation.

For about six months once a week I heard my son scream his head off for thirty minutes because he did not want this speech therapist to teach or work with him. I felt like a horrible mother taking my son there because he did not want to be around her at all. Those were more signs and symptoms I missed because like most parents I wasn't educated on autism. She tried everything to get Patrick to cooperate from snacks to a picture board then finally tried sign language. It seemed sign language was working so we decided to learn it and teach Patrick that. But he couldn't keep up with it some times so the speech therapist suggested it was time to get Patrick tested to rule out autism. I wasn't sure how I felt about this because as a mom you never want to think something is wrong with your child.

August 2015 will be the month I'll never forget especially since it was so close to Patrick's third birthday. I took him to The Brain Center of Columbus to see Dr. Kocsner. She was very nice and sweet. She observed Patrick while he played with the toys (more like lined them up) and she asked me questions about him. She tried to ask Patrick questions but he ignored her and then got upset and yelled at her. Not only did he yell at her but he hit me. He started hitting himself earlier that summer, we didn't know if he learned it from other kids or from a show. I just sat there wondering why was my son yelling? Why was he hitting me? What's going on to make him act like this? I just want answers.

A few days later I got a call back to come and pick up the test results and as any other mother you hope for good news but that's not what I got. ''The resulting score of the ADOS-2 indicates Moderate-to-Severe concerns of autism spectrum disorder.'' ''It is strongly recommended for Patrick to receive intensive services that include Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA), speech therapy, occupational/physical therapy and social skill training. Family education and support also strongly recommended. Furthermore, Patrick may benefit from specialized sport activities, aqua-therapy and hippo-therapy.'' All of this just to make my son feel normal like the rest of the kids? All of this for the rest of his life? Did I do something wrong? Was it because I was always working? I felt like it was my fault. I felt like I did something wrong.

Questions run through my mind all the time. Will Patrick go to a regular school? Do I have to worry about other kids picking on him? What about high school? Prom? Will he date? Will he want to date with his social anxiety? Will he get a job or go to college? Will this be lifelong or just a few years? I will never know the answers to these questions until it happens. That's the scary part.

Once I started doing more research on autism so many different opinions came up like how vaccines, dietary restrictions, hereditary, and pregnancy that lacks proper nutrition can cause autism. I even had people say, "Oh it's a phase, he'll get through it.'' but Devin and I just had to accept that Patrick was going to be different. I won't lie it has put a strain on our marriage but it has brought us closer together because we are raising a child who is different to other people but normal to us. Patrick would still have meltdowns in public and people would stare and make comments, I wanted to tell them off so bad but they don't understand he's autistic. So we continued speech therapy for a few more months but I couldn't bare watching my son scream and cry for thirty minutes twice a week so I canceled it. That's right, I canceled it. I had enough of putting my son through that torture.

Since canceling speech therapy Patrick can now say over ten words and understand many more. He also listens to commands and understands questions. We got his outbursts somewhat undercontrolled. Everyday he learns something new but the one problem we are still overcoming is potty training and insurance. With autistic children in the army you have to enroll in EFMP and ECHO which we have been doing for almost a year now with no luck. How can we get our children help if we can never get an answer on the phone? That's with all children who are sick or with special needs. I know there are other moms out there dealing with this same problem, it is unfair. Hopefully soon I can get my son the help he needs.

A couple of months ago I had a little girl, Spencer. Since then Patrick has been the best big brother and we didn't expect that. We knew it would be a big adjustment for him but he did well and he loves being mommy's little helper. He might not be normal to anyone else but he is to me. With 200,000 cases in the U.S. and no cure, we as a community need to be more educated on autism. Next time you're at the store, mall or school and you see a child have a meltdown don't assume the child is misbehaving. The child could simply be having trouble trying to communicate with their parent or is having trouble trying to process everything going on. Every child is different in their own special way.