I, Tiarra Rossman am a very emotional being. I feel things deeply. I allow things to weigh on me heavily. I fester in things until there are more potential problems than I can count. I make other people's problems my problems. Empathy is my greatest strength and my greatest weakness.

There are few people that I let into my life the entire way. It didn't used to be this way. I wasn't always so guarded or suspicious of people's motives. Being hurt does that to you. It makes you hyper-aware and question everything. It makes you think about all the different ways you can possibly get hurt again, only subconsciously retreating your heart even further away from those who are working hard to hold it.

I'm not the kind of person who openly talks about their problems. I like to think I'm capable of dealing with them on my own, even though that's not always the case. And then they build when I don't address them, because I—ladies and gentlemen—am a professional at sweeping things under the carpet, especially when it comes to my feelings. Addressing people when you're hurt is the worst kind of confrontation to me. Because, I, an emotional disaster, surrender before the fight. Somehow I address the other party, proceed to feel bad about potentially hurting their feelings, and then get anxious about things changing or being weird and then apologize. Defeating the entire purpose of standing up for myself to begin with.

I've lost a lot people in my life, so when I finally let them in, I would rather put myself through the misery of being hurt than risk losing any one else, because frankly I'm tired of it. But at what cost do I put my own mental health above a potentially toxic relationship?

Recently I asked someone how important is was to lead an authentic life. But what does that mean? How does one lead life authentically? Here's what it means to me:

Be true to yourself

We as humans are constantly, changing, evolving into different people. The more we learn, the more we discover. Even the way we feel, they all play a part in who we're constantly becoming. I don't think we ever truly know who we actually are as wholes. It's hard to figure out who we are, what we want, what we believe, who we want to become, who we want to share it with, this is all really hard work that takes time; it takes your life.

Being true to who you are doesn't just mean constantly trying to figure out who/what you are. It's being honest with yourself, feeling things with your heart and your head. It's facing hard truths when you know there's hurt involved.

Practice honesty

I can say from experience that I've lived in a world full of denial for much longer than I ever should have. It takes courage to be honest, especially when that truth hurts your loved ones. Sometimes the truth makes you realize something you've been running from all along. Being honest with others is how we build trust, the foundation of our relationships, our connections. It's how we build trust with ourselves.

We're all a lot stronger than others think. This also applies to how we view our own strength. Don't question that, trust it. People deserve the truth, and so do you.

Fight against the currents

I believe this may be the most important one of all. Staying true to who you are means finding what you love, finding who you love. Fighting against the currents means getting there by whatever means necessary. This means making your dreams reality. Pushing through the pain and roadblocks and judgments of others to get there, without giving up.

The currents can be strong and knock you down sometimes, but it's only ever to test your devotion and prove your resilience.

Trust your intuition

Always go with your gut. Intuition means to learn within. Learn to trust your inner feeling and it will become stronger. If there are a thousand to one odds saying that you can't do something, but your gut tells you otherwise, do it. You know the truth by the way it feels. Another's mind isn't walking your journey, you are.

Foster an open mind

Problem solving happens when everyone has a clear picture and works together to find a common solution. This means having an open mind. Zero harsh judgments or comments or silent stigmas. Zero discrimination. It's once we change our own minds, to open minds, that we can inspire others to do so too.

Work hard to break down the boundaries that still stand in your mind. By doing so, this allows others into your life free of prejudice; cultivating healthy relationships that can bring you joy more often.

This also applies to yourself; have an open mind when it comes to being who you are, being truly who you are. Acceptance is a gift you give and receive, allow yourself to have it.

Respect others

Sometimes I think we can get a little too set in our ways. We let ourselves and our beliefs be inferior, therefore placing judgment on others based on their own beliefs, their mechanisms, their way of life. Disagreeing shouldn't prevent you from having connections with other humans, it should spark them.

Judging others or making snide comments says for more about you than it does about them. People deserve respect, so do you.

Find/create a belief system that works for you

I think we as children mimic what we're taught/what we observe, so most of the time we take on those same belief systems that were practiced in our upbringings. This process may be the one that takes the most time.

Finding what you believe in helps you steer your life. Based on those beliefs you make decisions every day that shape who you are, what you are, little by little. Just make sure when you do figure it out, you stand by it, that it's true to you and what you want to become.

Let go

Forgive and let go of the hurt, of the person you used to be, of the people you used to know, of the people you know now, of the things you did or said to others, of the things they said to you, but especially the things you said to yourself. Carrying around these wounds will only end up hurting you, deeper and longer.

Holding on to anger will only allow you to fester in it longer. Find your coping mechanisms and make peace. Take care of yourself by forgiving and letting go, there's no need not to.

Dig deep

Each time you look within yourself for an answer or sense of direction, always dig deeper. This means learning from past hurts and moving forward, taking the high road even when we have no desire to do so. You are strong enough. You don't need anyone else to do so, so dig deep. Find a whole new person within yourself, the person you already know.

Every time I dig deep, learn a new skill, release bondage from an old message, I evolve, again and again. Find joy in discovering your new, most authentic self each and every time you do so.

So when do these things really come to test when you're not trapped inside your own head? When you need to stand up for yourself and put your feelings first.

I was brutally honest, with myself and someone I care about. I had held these feelings in for quite a while and they needed to be let go. That meant being brutally honest with first, myself and then that person. And being this honest and open with my own feelings is not something I do, especially with myself since there was hurt involved.

I had been hurt, I was hurting. I was bargaining with myself and defending the actions of others. I was discounting my own standards that I preach because I was scared. I was in major denial of reciprocation. And I knew it was wrong all along.

It took quite some time, a lot of pent-up hurt and a little liquid courage. But I did it. And in those moments, hours of waiting for some sort of validation or rejection, I was scared, I was relieved, I was raw.

This desire and importance to lead this life really weighed on me through this courage and honesty. I put it and myself above the possibility of losing someone I truly care about. And that was a huge deal to me. Doing this taught me the importance being genuine and honest.

Digging deep to find the courage and being honest with myself, it allowed me to discover this person, this person who deserves to be taken care of just as much as she takes care of everyone else. That care and nourishment that I gave my feelings and myself the energy and effort that I'm constantly providing for others, I felt. I felt it deeply.

I pride myself in valiant efforts to lead a life of authenticity. I try really hard to do all of the above things. I'm living a life I'm proud of. I hope the same for you.