We have furnished this shelter within our minds where we dwell with little hope of ever leaving. A life constantly spent amongst our thoughts is a life spent far too close to a self-complex that has begun to control far more than it should.
One feature of this trap-like dwelling that I’ve noticed take the forefront in my life is inauthenticity. By inauthenticity, I’m referring to my inability to say exactly what’s on my mind in a moment’s notice. I’m plagued by the habit of saying what’s expected OR not being able to say anything at all. The former is unconscious, the latter the result of the brain’s stress hormones. So, utter honesty seems nonexistent.
I find this frustrating and bleak because authenticity is a very promising, multifaceted pathway. Our interactions with others majorly fuel our existence. The relationships we have or create imbue meaning or love (whatever you want to call it) into the perceived absurdity.
However, since we’ve reached this level of autopilot, many of these interactions have become unpleasantly hollow. An obvious example would be an interaction with a cashier. This face to face transaction usually consists of: “Hi, how are you.” “Good, how are you.” “Good.” I don’t end these statements in question marks because that’s not the implication that accompanies them. We ask because that’s the social commonality.
We don’t actually respond with how we are feeling because again, social commonality. Although this is a distant and quick interaction because it’s with a stranger who’s just doing their job, I think any interaction is worthy of conscious attention rather than unconscious habit.
Complete candor (when appropriate) in these situations could be the avenue which invites genuine relations with those you interact with. It appears to be much more likely this would spark something bona fide compared to the internal script we’re always reading off of. Candor is the closest we can get to the portrayal of our-”self” and therefore intrigue those listening with a more accurate depiction of our being.
On top of this, authenticity is so much more enjoyable. Being able to release the actual contents of your mind is cathartic and far more interesting than saying what is expected. I mean, compare it to something like stand-up comedy. So many people love stand-up intensely because the comedians are brutally honest.
Whether it’s self-deprecation, humanity-deprecation, gross tendencies, etc. they’re illuminating what’s usually left out in everyday conversation. A common trend amongst a lot of stand-up topics is the grotesque of human existence, I’ll generalize it as suffering I guess. These specifically grotesque feelings we feel or face are certainly relatable since suffering is the sensation known best amongst all.
On top of that, a feeling we enjoy is relatability. Why else would we seek out a community with those who share similar interests? Read articles, books, tweets, quotes about those who feel the same as us? There is relief and comfort in knowing you are not alone. Why?
Commonality could indicate normalcy. Why we all want to be a part of the pack? Maybe our sociability. Maybe our insecurities. Surely our ignorance of what is right, wrong, up, or down. Probably a mixture of all the above plus a myriad of other theories that I know nothing about.
Truth is, we know so little about ourselves and about our surroundings that any common ground with those around us provides an inkling of sanity in knowing there’s something of semi-substantial reliability. This reliability, stability, security, whatever you want to call it, all comes from communication. Our ability to communicate to others something that they also feel.
Semi-substantial reliability. Pretty ambiguous phrase. I say semi-substantial because obviously there is no way to actually know if the person you are communicating with truthfully feels the way you do or feels at all for that matter. I won’t make any reality simulation presuppositions, but I mean I guess it’s certainly a possibility.
Technically our reality is a simulation in some sense considering our mind’s can’t physically perceive “the whole picture”. Anyways, the portion that is ‘substantial’ and ‘reliable’ is the felt presence of connection in the given moment of communicating mutual feelings from one person to another. That is the very closest we can get to finding some kind of stable ground amongst the absurd.
Obviously, there are limits to this because if everyone released every honest thought, chaos would soon ensue. So, if you have some questionably offensive inner dialogue, consider keeping it locked inside during your social outings and spill it to your therapist.
