Attending college feels like a rite of passage to most: go to grade school, get good grades, and BOOM--college. We were taught that this was the 'correct' order in life, that in order to be successful in life's trials and tribulations we must go to college, but what if we physically could not?
What if no matter how hard we tried, college was out of our reach? Unfortunately this is the case in more situations than we actually give credit. It is as if we turn a blind eye to this thought because it makes us uncomfortable to even think about. It poses this question, what if this happened to me?
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This was a real life problem back in high school, personally. I was told I was not smart enough to go to college. That maybe, just maybe, my 'mind' was not 'fit' for college. I had more than one teacher tell me and my parents that same phrase, and it began to spin in my mind daily. I began to believe them, I began to believe that I was not good enough for college and it started to reflect in not only my work, but my self-confidence.
By my senior year my grades plummeted and I no longer expected to go to college. I began to have anxiety thinking of what would happen to me. How would I survive in a world that has always told us that college is the one and only way to a life filled with success and happiness?
I graduated and felt so disappointed in myself, I had always wanted to go to college, and I had convinced myself that I could not, I was not worthy anymore. I had dreamt of being a teacher my whole life, and now I had told myself it was never going to happen. During this time I was dating my now current boyfriend and he had told me I should at least try a local college and give it a try, try one semester and see how it goes. I remember signing up for classes and thinking about how out of my league I was, I was told so often that I was not smart enough that I had deemed myself not worthy for college level classes.
Weeks went by into my first semester of college, this was my true test, my first exam. I had told myself that if I did not do well I would drop out of college. I studied so much that week prior I arrived to my exam a walking zombie, bags under my eyes, and an extra large cup of coffee in my hands, it began. It took 15 minutes for my test and I remember looking up at my fellow classmates still working away and I panicked, obviously I had done something wrong. I walked across the room and my classmates heads shot up, staring at me as I walked to the front of a silent classroom, handing my professor my exam, and walking out. It was not until I was just about to leave the room that I heard a lone voice,
"She must have bombed the exam."
I sighed and told myself that everything everyone said about me was true, this was not what I was meant to do in life.
A week later, I came into class and my teacher passed back our exams, mine being turned in first meant it was the last to be returned. I wrung my hands together preparing for the worst. The class watched her hand my test back to me upside-down, and I hesitated before flipping it over as fast as I could, wanting to rip it off like a band-aid.
I blinked more than once before a triumphant smile graced upon my lips, one hundred percent. I had received two-hundred points out of two-hundred, I felt joyful tears journey down my cheeks , and a sigh of relief grace my body, I could do this. This exam was more than just an exam, it was my motivation to prove I could. This was my sign and I was going to run with it.
After the year ended, I had earned my spot on the Dean's List both semesters, and received an invitation to join Phi Theta Kappa, an undergraduate honors society. From then on out I told myself I was never allowed to doubt my academic ability again, college was for me, and I was not only going to pass, I was going to exponentially grow to my greatest potential.
I spent two years at a community college and was recognized for my academic excellence through multiple dean's list letters, trips to out of state academic conferences, and multiple recommendations letters when applying to multiple private schools to finish my undergraduate degree. I was accepted to all of my schools and ended up falling in love with Ashland University and it's Intervention Specialist Program.
I remember getting my room key my first semester, walking into my first class, finishing my first exam and sitting down thinking about how truly blessed I was. I had told myself two short years prior that I was not smart enough for college. I had allowed myself to let others dictate my future, and here I was, at my dream school, and excelling in everything I put my heart into.
I am blessed for my opportunity to pursue my career. I am blessed to be able to mold another generation to excel in their passions. I do not know where I would be had I failed my test, had I not even applied to college.
The mere thought of me allowing my past demons to dull my potential is so saddening. It is now that I begin to think, how many people has this happened to? How many people have aspired to be where I am right now, and have let other trials get in their way? How many people have financially never been able to go to college?
It is with these questions in mind that I say not only to myself, but to you as the reader, realize our privilege and be grateful. Be grateful for where we are in this moment and time, and realize, that we are so blessed.
