To The One Who Hates Themselves For Being Asexual,

I know you said you hate yourself, but not to worry about you, but your words leave me at least a little concerned. You acknowledge that this part of you exists, and yet it seems you’ve yet to come to terms with it.

To me, it sounds like you feel alone. You joined a fraternity, and as you pointed out, you wanted to fit that “frat bro” stereotype. You wanted to belong. Before I found the asexual label, I thought I was broken too. Most of my friends would sit around talking about their crushes. Sometimes they’d even talk about what they wanted to do, or were even doing. None of that interested me, and so I’d awkwardly sit there and listen. It can be hard to be in an environment that’s so heteronormative.

It also sounds like you’re still just wading into the waters. You seem to think that in order to have a relationship, sex must be involved. So what? You’re sex-repulsed. It’s not a disease like you make it out to be. You’re still capable of being in a loving relationship, it just may rely more on romantic attraction and not sexual attraction. Did you know that’s likely better anyways? Romantic attraction lets you get to know your partner as a person. It tends to stay longer. If someone’s not willing to accept you for this part of who you are, are they even worth your time?

You say you want a cure for your asexuality. I’m sorry to say there isn’t one. I know of sex-positive aces (asexuals who have sex) and ones who are sex-repulsed. Neither one is better than the other. Neither one is broken, and neither are you. I think you want a cure for your feeling of isolation. I know you want to avoid the asexual community because you think it makes it sound like a disease, but instead I want you to reach out. I’m open to talk about my experiences if a large setting upsets you.

Maybe, at the end of the day, you might just be at peace with yourself.