13-year-old Rosalie Avila of Yucaipa, California was an honors student, an aspiring lawyer and journalist, and the type of girl you wouldn't be inclined to pick on.
On December 4, 2017, Rosalie was taken off of life support. Days earlier, she had tried hanging herself in her room, leaving behind a note apologizing to her parents for what she had done to herself as well as referring to herself as “ugly” and “a loser.” These insults were picked up from bullies at school, who ultimately drove Rosalie to take her own life. In the words of her father, Freddie, Rosalie’s “death has to mean something.”
But where do we go from there? Saying a youth suicide must “mean something” should be a given. First of all, “youth” and “suicide” should never be placed next to one another. Nevertheless, it’s said every single time a young person takes their own life. Let it be the example, prompt those who feel suicidal to get the help they need, you know the drill. However, at the end of the day, saying you’re going to make an example out of a tragic incident like this won’t make the situation resolve itself. Like most things, suicide prevention is easier said than done.
I know this because, when I was around the same age as Rosalie, I felt the claustrophobia in my life that she surely felt in hers. When you are that young, the contained environment our educational system prescribes really works against you. For some, it feels like you’re stuck in a life-or-death boxing match where the winner has already been chosen, but it’ll never be you.
Now that technology and social media have become more accessible to children, the torture can leave the school and manifest on a screen leading to even worse outcomes. Sure, it’s part of growing up, but a person should never be driven to take their own life simply because the social system established in a middle/high school drowned them. And that’s the difference between insecurity being part of growing up and being something that actually kills you.
The obvious difference between Rosalie and I is that I survived that period of claustrophobia. But it didn’t always feel like I was going to. There were times in my 13-year-old mind when I’d picture a world without me in it. I’d hear the hurtful words said and written about me by my peers and let myself believe that the world actually WOULD be better off without me. Thankfully, I held on out of fear of consequence. But maybe, if I’d had the support or had spoken up about my feelings, things would have been different.
Then again, how would victims of bullying like myself or Rosalie have known? The present action plan our society has taken to combat the issue that led to the end of Rosalie’s too-short life is to simply condemn bullying. But what do we tell victims? Where is the best place for them to seek shelter from the storm that is breaking them down? How do we create spaces where they can feel comfortable to openly and honestly discuss what goes on in their lives with someone older than them? Then, what do we adults do about it?
We can’t tell them to ignore bullying, fight back, seek revenge, or feed into it. That doesn’t help the situation, and it surely won’t create a productive adult when all is said and done. What we can do, however, is preach that there IS hope for the future. Bullying, low self-esteem, and suicidal thoughts are just a thick fog covering that hope. In time, that fog will break and you will see the hope again. It happened to me, so I firmly believe it can happen to everyone.
