Anxiety can be a hard concept to explain to people. The American Psychological Association defines it as "an emotion characterized by feelings of tension, worried thoughts and physical changes like increased blood pressure." People who struggle with anxiety disorders can experience symptoms both mentally and physically. Fits of anxiety can also come out of nowhere or be a constant battle. Being such a diverse emotion that I have struggled with myself, there are certain phrases that are more damaging than helpful.
1. "Stop worrying so much."
Anxiety is not just worrying. It is also not something we can just hit the brakes on. Anxiety can be brought on by stress, traumatic events or the anniversary of them, or major life changes. A lot of the time, the person cannot control how much they worry or the emotions they are feeling. The brain is a complex organ that we don't have complete control over. Just like someone can't look at their spouse, snap their fingers, and fall out of love, a person with anxiety can't always just "stop worrying." I, for one, always try to tell myself to focus on something different, but it doesn't always work.
2. "But what's causing it?"
We don't always know. While acknowledging your feelings can be good, explaining why can sometimes cause more stress than relief. Especially when the anxiety starts with a physical symptom, like an elevated heart rate, the person may not know what is triggering it. I know when I've had too much caffeine, sometimes I will start to experience more anxiety because my body is responding to that racing heart and treating it as the beginning of a panic attack. It's not always easy to pinpoint the cause, but instead, focus on how to provide comfort moving forward.
3. "Just calm down."
This is a really common one — as if those three words will magically fix all the problems. I have always found this to add frustration to the situation. Just like you shouldn't tell someone to "chill" in a fight, you shouldn't tell someone experiencing anxiety to "just calm down."
4. "It's really not that big of a deal, you're overreacting."
It may not be a big deal to you, but you have no idea how something small may be affecting another person. I have always been anxious when it comes to public speaking or big crowds. I skipped my eighth-grade graduation and two homecoming dances because of this. What one person might see as no big deal could be very difficult for someone else. Belittling their feelings just because it's easy for you will just make them feel guilty for their emotions.
5. "I don't think you're trying hard enough."
For me, this is the most damaging phrase of all. Sometimes trying your hardest is just getting out of bed in the morning and that is enough. I struggle with just walking in public, obsessed with how people may be viewing me, how my steps look compared to everyone else...it has taken years of work to get better. You should never put someone down for the efforts they are making because even a little step forward is still progress.
Overall, we are all different, and we all have our personal struggles. Be cautious of the words you use with the people around you. You never know the kind of effect they may have.
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