Have you ever grown up and wondered where your childhood went? I am not a dark person by any means. I am happy-go-lucky all the time, loud, smiling, and very rarely crying. This poem is personal and I never thought I would be sharing it with anyone. This poem is something I wrote in February of 2017 (the month i turned 18). This is a poem I wrote about a girl who struggled with wondering why mental illnesses were washed over her family. She couldn't quite understand and as she laid in bed, her mind would wonder leaving her to stay up all night.

As I lay in bed, my sheets get stained by the tears I cry because I wish I could change the world for you. I wish I could make it better. I wish that things weren’t hard for you and you didn’t have to look to this undesired dependency to this.

As I lay in bed, I try to think of a time when things weren’t the way they were, but I can’t. This has gone on longer than I can remember. I wish I could take away the numbness and the sadness from your life but I cant.

As I lay in bed I wish that everything you owned wasn’t stained by the alcohol you had to drink to feel numb. I wish I could make everything better. But I don’t have all the answers.

I wish I could’ve been more aware and been there for you when it first started. I’m so wound up in everything that an 18-year-old Is wound up in. from figuring out how I’m going to fix my makeup that morning to what college I’m going to spend the next 4 years at. I wish I could make things better.

As I lay in bed, I think about all the stupid rhetorical questions id ask you. Like “would you do it if you knew that your family would be so destroyed?” “would you do it if you knew that your sheets would be covered in tears and wine?” “would you do it if you knew your children would cry for you every night” “would you do it if you knew that you’d have to be sent away to ‘get better’?” I wish I could make things better.
I wish that things didn’t turn out the way they did.

As I lay in bed, I wish my sheets weren’t stained with tears and that you knew I loved you unconditionally.

I wish that I could make things better. I’d give you the world to see you not suffer. I’d do anything to make your life as extraordinary as possible