I’ve been on medication since I was 9 years old. My brain one day decided to turn on me and either underproduce or overproduce serotonin levels. Serotonin is a chemical found in the brain to help with decisions and anxiety, fear, and all of that sort of thing. Well, being 9 years old and finding out that your mind juices don’t like you isn’t really a thing you want to go down in your memory book. But it was written in mine. Along came the anxiety and depression, the bipolar disorder and ADHD. All because my brain couldn’t handle life. Now, it wasn’t anything I did. I hadn’t “chosen” to be depressed. I hadn’t “chosen” to be anxious over nothing. But yet, I was. And at 9 years old, I remember sitting in a med technician’s office hearing all of these weird words like serotonin and panic attacks and medication and prescriptions. This was all a big pill to swallow for a 9-year-old (pun intended) and as I walked out of that office, what I didn’t realize was that I would need to be on medications for the rest of my life just to survive.
Some may say that that before said statement is a little extreme, but really, it’s true. I needed those pills to live because if I didn’t take a second at the beginning and end of my day every day of every month of every year, then I would spiral down into a big black deep bottomless pit of remorse, anger, questioning, and so much more. Those little chalks are my lifeline, my anchor and my necessity for functioning.
Some people don’t agree with how I handle my problems. They think that putting unnatural substances inside of your body is actually worsening your condition. And I guess to some that may be true, but to many others, this is not, in fact, the case.
First of all, taking medications does not make you any less of a functioning human being. I’ve been told the opposite of this so many times. But as a society that does need little chalky pills to continue with our routines, people need to accept the fact that we are still human beings. We still have feelings. We still care. We still love, make dinner, do laundry, use social media… We’re not robots. Please hear me. Medication, when on the right one(s) DOES NOT make a person a robot. The only thing separating us – and I hate using that word – are brain chemicals that we can’t even control.
Second of all, there is nothing to be ashamed of if you take a medication or even if you don’t and still struggle. I cannot tell you the number of times that I have shared my story and have had people come up to me and tell me that they deal with the same thing. I’ve been asked my experience on different medications to see if that person should try it. There are so many more people out there who take pills than you think. It’s just not talked about.
I’m not saying that medication is for everyone. But I’m also not saying that medication is for no one. It certainly is for me. My life has changed drastically since being on them since I was a child and I don’t know where I would be without them. Just because my brain doesn’t like me doesn’t mean you shouldn’t like other just because of a chalky little pill.
