Phones have ruined dating. Snapchat, social media, Tinder, and online messaging have all teamed together to ensure that no-one has an enjoyable dating experience in 2018.
I can remember even back in middle school, boys wouldn't talk to girls in the halls. If they liked you they'd text you. We get so comfortable hiding behind a screen, taking time to think of a witty response, so we lose our personality and social skills. People feel awkward or nervous when they have to interact face to face after texting for a while. This kills any hope of proper dating.
Social media and Tinder have created this gross, bizarre hookup culture that completely eliminates the need to get to know, spend time with, and court a woman. Why would any man spend the time, effort and money on a woman if he can get what he wants for a few swipes, a match, and a DM?
It's so easy to fall into this trap. It's convenient, it's fun, it takes minimal effort, it seems like a good offer, but the social implications are far deeper than just a fun time. The message being sent by everyone participating in this empty lifestyle isn't just "I wanna have fun". It's changing our culture and what dating looks like. Hiding behind a screen to get a date is the norm, and that's weird to me. What good romance movie starts out with someone swiping on Tinder?
My mom always tells me about when she was my age boys would call her on Wednesday to get a date for Saturday. Then they'd meet her parents, pick her up, take her out, and pay. I feel cheated. I feel utterly cheated that I feel forced by our current culture to settle for a guy sending me a text to "hang" at random times of the night and never knowing what we are. A guy will text you, but a few days later he may or may not respond.
My mom was never "talking" to a guy. They were dating, which means actually going on dates, or they were boyfriend and girlfriend. A guy SHOULD ask you out to your face, or at least OVER THE PHONE. A snapchat or a text isn't the same. Asking to "hang out" that day instead of asking for a real date feels so shallow in comparison.
It is unfair to the women (and men!) trying to date in 2018 to cheat them of real human experiences. We don't get the flowers, we don't get the handwritten cards, and we don't get the proper phone calls. Some girls do, and we are so jealous. It is way too rare now. More than it ever was. Yes, times have changed, but our basic manners, chivalry, and DECENCY don't have to.
I'm not the most experienced dater out there, but I've been asked out and had relationships. Only once was I asked out in person. It was always behind a phone screen. Maybe once I was in a settled relationship we'd talk about what we were gonna do or where we were gonna eat, but I can only name a single time I've been asked out in person, not via text or Snapchat. That's so unfair.
Boys won't talk to girls in real life. Girls go out to clubs, bars, or just class wondering why boys won't approach them. It hurts everyone's self-esteem. My friend, let's call her "Mattie", was just telling me that her guy friend thought a girl was pretty, but he was too scared to talk to her. He sees her every day in class, but can't bear the idea of even saying "hi".
What is knocking down the confidence of these men? It is not okay that they feel like that can hide behind a screen and ask for nudes, but they can't walk up to a girl in real life and say, "Hi. What's your name? Wanna go out to eat?".
What's so hard about that?
Another part of the issue is the humiliation of men. Especially on social media sites like Twitter, women have started this big "men are trash" trend. Men get humiliated and shut down online over asking a girl out. We've all seen it before. A screenshot of a text or recap of a conversation gone wrong where a man is getting rejected. Yeah, it's funny and we all laugh, but it also scares guys away from asking girls out for fear of rejection.
This brutal and public rejection hurts their ego. Many of them are deserved when a guy is being a pig, but many times it's just a man getting completely shut down and the ridiculed for no apparent reason. What's the purpose of emasculating men behind the screens just to knock down their self-confidence?
The double standards associated with dating are also unfair. A woman must be patient, waiting for the man to chase, but he never does. When a girl makes the first move as a result of that, she's desperate. Women are told be pure so that a man can have a good quality wife, but he gets to go and date all the good time girls. A girl can't do that without being called names or being deemed "unmarriable". The so-called "good women" aren't gonna want a man with a ridiculous sexual past all linked to Tinder, hookups, and porn addictions.
Self-respect or self-esteem is low when someone feels obligated to go do about anything with a stranger from a dating site, but then they'll turn around and call it empowerment.
How many of you who go to those hookups actually feel empowered afterward? Are you feeling empowered when they don't call you or respond to your messages again? Or sneak things past you? Or won't at least pay for your ride home? Or when you find out they have a girlfriend? That's not empowering. What IS empowering is to be respected by a man who treats you well and doesn't look at you like a sex object.
Real empowerment comes from within, not a hookup. It can come from someone who actually loves and cares about you, supports you, and is a real factor in your life. You will not find fulfillment in empty hookups. Maybe for a minute it will be nice to feel pretty and wanted, but it doesn't make you special, and it doesn't empower you. Many times people will use you and lie to you to get laid. Do not let yourself believe that is a source of empowerment.
Don't get me wrong, online dating isn't ALL bad. There are successful couples who meet online, and I know there are people who aren't just hooking up and logging off. Even so, it still perpetuates the hookup culture and ruins real dating. It promotes a lifestyle that is not what I want for myself, my friends, or my future children. Men don't want to call you anymore, they want to snap you or hookup.
People cheat on each other all the time because they don't understand meaningful relationships. These are habits being formed that are going to wreck and destroy all hopes of a real lasting relationship, marriage, or family. They're never just going to quit doing these things. It is also affecting the future generations who don't know what a family looks like. Anyone with divorced or separated parents knows these effects personally.
STDs are at an all-time high in the USA. This is disgusting. Our generation doesn't know what real love, real relationships, and real intimacy look like. This is one of the factors contributing to such a high divorce rate. This isn't okay.
We cannot keep letting our generation ruin the institution of dating, marriage, and eventually leading to a successful family.
