I hate not knowing. How about you? If I could know everything now, I would. I genuinely would want to know. I don’t like not knowing what the future holds. I hate that that’s how life is. I want to know now everything the future has in store for me. Who I’m going to marry, where I’m going to live, where I’m going to work, how I’m going to be at my job… everything. I hate waiting. I hate not knowing. I seriously stress over the future and I know that’s unhealthy and that adds so much unnecessary pressure, but it’s all my mind is consistently set on and stressing over.
With my anxiety and constant panic and worry over the exact things I’ve listed previously, I can’t help but wonder why I’m doing this to myself at what should be an exciting, promising time in my life. Is it because I’m scared of the future? Maybe, kind of. Is it because I’m over waiting for my life to start or waiting to see where it goes and where I end up? Yes. It’s a lot of things. I hate all of this. Especially when I’m at a point in my life that I feel my millennial-ness is coming out for the first time and being exposed as to where I just feel like I’m doing nothing right, I keep getting screwed over, I’m not getting what I want, and I’m sick of working. I want to get through all this BS now and get to everything my life is keeping from me. I feel that I put so much work and effort into so many factors in my life and they just fail or don’t work out.
And it sucks. It really sucks. I feel like everything I’m doing now is not getting me anywhere and I just want to know if it’s going to get better. There is no way to find out. Not now. Because that’s the art of not knowing.
The art of not knowing. If you asked me, it’s torture. Not knowing is torture. But is there a bigger picture to it? I feel that the art of not knowing is predominantly significant in today’s world and today’s time range in the world of a millennial. I’m at a point where I had a leak in my millennial-ness and had given into showing that I totally am one even though I’ve always fought to prove and show that I don’t fall into that category. But I do. It happened. I cracked. But there is more to being a millennial than just having this stigma that our parents spoiled us too much and that we think we are entitled and that the world owes us something.
Well, that’s a lie, because I do think the world owes me something and it’s not what it’s giving me now.
But that’s the art of not knowing. Wanting what I can’t have. And I can’t have it. It’s simply not possible. It’s not possible to know what’s going to happen to you and when all you want and hope for is going to happen…if it even does. And if it doesn’t…there is nothing you can do about it. Nothing you can do but learn how to wait (even though it can be excruciatingly painful to wait) and keep doing what you’re doing. Because that’s the art of not knowing.
The art of not knowing. What don’t you know? And keep in mind that you still won’t know until you know. You don’t know if he’s going to text or call you back, you don’t know if you’re going to make it in the career field of your choice, you don’t know if and when and who you’re going to marry, if you’re going to have kids, if you’re going to be healthy, if you’re going to struggle with money, when you’re going to die, if you’re going to have a good life, if you’re going to have everything you want and deserve. But that’s the art of not knowing. Not knowing keeps life’s secrets. Life’s promises. Everything that life is withholding from you. That’s their job. Until you’re at the point in your life where you are ready for what life has in store for you, you will wait. You will learn to be patient and trust in life’s plan for you. Until life feels you are ready. Until you’ve truly earned it. Then life will give it to you. Everything will pay off and work out in the end.
Not knowing is the greatest test of all. Ace it. Celebrate. Enjoy your rewards. Enjoy the life you earned by waiting for the right moments. It will all come and go so fast where you won’t even remember how long you waited. And you’ll wait to not know more things. Because you learned from before…that it’s coming. Life will bring it to you. And that’s the art of not knowing.
