We are all blessed to live in a country whose military watches over us night and day to keep us safe. All of our military members should be revered as it is no easy job to care for the citizens of an entire nation. However, it can be difficult when a loved one leaves for the military for the first time. What about if four of your loved ones left within a year? What if it wasn't really the choice that they wanted to make?
This is the situation that Sandra Wilson found herself in. Over the past year, all four of her children have decided to join the army due to financial reasons, leaving her at home with her boyfriend, Retired SFC George Keene. Due to a unexpected separation in her first marriage, Sandra was left to raise four children (Dominic, Victoria, Andre, and Jalisa) on her own. Taking care of a family this large is expensive, so by the time college entered the picture, there were no funds left to help them pursue higher education.
I decided to interview her about her experience as a four-time army mom and get some insight on her story.
Q: How exactly did you end up having four kids in the army?
SW: None of them actually wanted to go. What happened was thier dad refused to help with college. He told them if they didn't move to California when they graduated, he would not help with college. You see, he walked out in 2004 and never looked back,so understandably they didn't want to move. They said no, so he said, "OK, I'm not gonna help." We thought we could be able to make it with financial aid, we figured we might be able to do it if they had jobs at school and it turned out that financially it wasn't gonna work. Jalisa went to JMU (James Madison University) which is pricier, Andre went to ODU (Old Dominion University) which is not as pricey, and Victoria went to Longwood (Longwood University). Dominic never left home; he chose to do the local community college.
We thought they would be able to get jobs at college and that would offset what financial aid wasn't picking up. Victoria, luckily, was able to get other loans but Andre and Jalisa weren't able to get loans because they didn't have any credit, I guess? I don't know. I was unable to get loans as well which made things very difficult. They had a parent loan but you needed good credit to get it. Well my credit is screwed up from the divorce, so I couldn't cosign. So, Victoria, Andre, and Jalisa came home from school. Victoria and Dominic decided to go first. Dominic was working at Dollar General and Victoria was at Applebee's. The hours they were working were not gonna be able to be worked when they were going to to college and work at the same time. So we went to the recruiter. Once Victoria was in and Dominic was in, pretty much at the same time, Jalisa and Andre were still in school. Those two were dead set on NOT going in. I mean, it was never gonna happen. So the younger two had went when the older ones had gone to talk to the recruiter so they had been listening a little bit. Andre had a bad experience at ODU, and was not going back. Jalisa had a $4,000 bill that we couldn't pay. She was going to school to be a psychologist. So she had these big bills, plus a lot of classes and couldn't work. Andre had a ton of classes too, so he also couldn't work.
So they got out in May, came home, and I took them to a recruiter. They still weren't gonna go,but then they got letters from their brother and sister. Finally, they decided to go in. So as a single mom, with their dad not helping, financially college couldn't work.
Q: As each kid is different from the others, is it a different sort of motherly worries that you have for each one as they leave?
SW: All four of them are different as far as personalities, yes. All four have different strengths and weaknesses. I worry about them all pretty much the same. They all left for summer camp, boy scout camp, girl scout camp, Defy camp whatever. Three of them even went to four-year colleges. I worry about all of them the same because these are four children who never wanted to go into the military because their father was in the Navy for 24 years. They said nope, it wasn't for them. They didn't want to have families and children and always have to be gone like he was. I worry because all four chose a path that they didn't want in the beginning, but ran out of options and couldn't do college. I don't worry like a mother would normally worry...I worry about them because they had to make a decision that they never wanted to make. This is something that has almost been forced upon them...my children had to make a decision they clearly didn't want to make...they never wanted to be in the military. That's what I worry about.
Q: Tell me why you are proud of your kids.
SW: I still can't even put into words how proud I am of them. I'm proud of them because they have been through a lot throughout their lives. They were military brats, their father was in the Navy, so he was gone a lot. Their father walked out on us on Mother's Day, 2004, and he never looked back. They heard from him once in a blue moon. He didn't show up for the boys' Eagle Scout ceremony, he came to Dominic's high school graduation, but did not come to Victoria, Andre, or Jalisas' graduation. He didn't come to their SVCC (Southern Virginia Community College) graduation. They've seen him twice since 2004. They all graduated with advanced diplomas, they all went to college, and now they're all in the military. They don't drink, smoke or do drugs. They were never suspended or arrested. They have no children. I am extremely proud of them for choosing to serve for our country. Considering all that they been have been through, it has always been a struggle, but I've always tried to make sure they stayed on track. They could have not listened to anything I said when they were growing up but they chose to listen. They chose to let me raise them my way and in turn, look at what they have become. They have not allowed the fact that their father walked out on them to change anything. They have not allowed that to stop them from doing anything. That has done nothing but keep pushing them to be better than he is, hell be better than I am. I couldn't ask for four better children, I swear."
Q: What is some advice you can give other first-time army moms?
SW: Support them no matter what your feeling is about wanting them to join or not. Its their life, they have to live it. Talk to them as much as you can while they are processing, in basic training, and in AIT, and even as going to first duty station. While they are in basic, write them positive, encouraging things daily, nothing negative. Basic is a mind game that is going to be rough on them so they need us to be strong. Make sure you go to the basic and AIT graduations! I can't stress this enough. Nothing has ripped my heart out more than seeing the kids' battle buddies or friends standing alone in the corner with no one around them...I hate seeing these battles with their heads hung low. They're alone. No one is there to congratulate them. So I have grabbed a few of them and told them, "I'm proud of you." I've hugged strange kids. I mean, I've told them, "I don't even know you, but I love you and I'm proud of you. Come over here, be part of my family. I want you here, come over here with us."
We only get one chance with kids, and these have given their lives to serve. We are their biggest cheerleader, so we need support to support them. You know, dads may come and go, but moms are for life. Kids always have a bond with mothers that they never have with fathers because we birthed them. They are always gonna look to their mom. And at the end of the day, it's their life. When they sign on that dotted line, they are basically saying, "I am wiling to die for my country at any given time." They are told when to eat, sleep, get dressed, everything. These children give up all rights to serve their country and if a mother doesn't support them it will never work for them. Tell them, "love you, I support you, I'm here for you." You've got to keep open lines of communication. There is no two ways about it.
Stay strong, Army moms. We support you.
