We walk into the venue, snaking through the throngs of people trying to figure out where to go. An usher motions to a stage just beyond velvet black. We push through and are immediately engulfed in the chaos of the music. We are early enough to see the opening acts, but we just wanted to see you.
Moments before your band goes on, a silence falls on the crowd, before turning into piercing screams that could deafen the night. Your band walks onto the stage. I watch as you take to the microphone with a confidence that was both alluring and aloof.
♦
You approach the microphone, stop and close your eyes. Take a breath. The lyrics you wrote behind closed doors are too much too soon to be in front of people. The reality of it all overwhelms you. Spilling the secrets of your heart is hard, and you know that. But you know that it’s also the way that you are able to find release in the souls of the crowd. A burden that is much less your own than theirs.
♦
I stand in the crowd, not really knowing you or your music. But I am just as eager as the girls who came to watch you again, analyzing your every move, to feel the music course through my veins. I can feel the bass drum pounding through my chest. The energy of the music bringing the room to life, thrumming throughout my body. I can feel the teal light cover me so that I could feel the love that you poured out into the lyrics, filling my heart and head. I became intoxicated by you.
♦
You dance around the stage, awkwardly maneuvering around with the microphone and the stand. You remind me of middle school dances where no one know how to move. Lanky bodies and romantic minds making you believe that you were the best dancer in the room. Your hands shake, a manifestation of life’s spirit flowing through you. Just like the Maori. You brush your hair out of your face and it falls back. The necklace you wear close to your heart stabilizes you. And you continue to dance.
♦
Look beyond the smoke screen and the bright lights. Make out the hearts of those who have fallen in love with the way you tell us not to be disheartened by life. But don’t just see a multitude of faces. Search for my face in the crowd. Pick out my hand from the sea and grab onto me. Be my lifeline and save me. Like the hero I know you are.
