"I'm sick of the hookups, the setups, the screw-ups, the guys who only want one thing, guys who don't know what they want, and guys who do but won't admit it." -Unknown.
Whether you have been in college for only this first week or you are about to start your fourth (or fifth year) you have noticed the insane amounts of freedom thrown at you. You are away from your benefactors (aka parents) and yes, you actually have to do laundry on your own (can I mix these colors and whites together?).
But one of the most obvious freedoms is that of sexual freedom with college. There is A LOT of sex.
Not exactly the actual act but the idea of it, the conversations about it and the desire for so many to have it. So with the need for it comes the ever familiar "hookup." But are we as college students satisfied with this culture that is on the rise or are we secretly looking for something greater?
Having only been here for a little over a year, I'll admit I'm no genius in regards to love and sex, but if you don't mind I would like to give my two cents...
Many of us have been there. You wake up, slightly hungover, and notice a large lump in your bed. It turns out that it is in fact another person. The hookup has happened and before you know it they are gone and you will most likely never see them again. But it was totally just careless, fun sex, right? After all, that's what you are suppose to do in college, right? RIGHT?!
According to Professor Dr. Lisa Wade, an assistant professor of sociology at Occidental College, students are largely dissatisfied with the hookup culture. “The three things students were looking for in hook ups were pleasure, connection, and empowerment. Hookup culture insists that you must enjoy casual sex and have an active disinterest in your partner,” Wade continues, “It must be careless.”
It must be careless. As easy as it sounds, many people find themselves feeling accomplished after a hookup, but at the same time empty and questioning themselves. Who was this person? Why did they chose me? Was it just the alcohol? Why is this bothering me so much? What in the world is wrong with me?
Call me a hopeless romantic but my own personal experiences with hookups after crazy parties (sorry mom) makes me realize how important it is that the person laying next to me choose me for something a little more than just being attractive. Looking at a hookup, you have the pleasure component (duh) and you have the empowerment (duh as well), but that thing that the students mentioned to Dr. Wade most was connection. Connection. That is the missing link.
Put aside the Bachelor degrees and the GPAs and you will see that one of the most important things you will learn in college is love and relationships. We humans are very emotional and social creatures. We need connection, we need validation, we need someone to like us for who we are. I feel like we as students embrace the hookup culture because we are afraid. We are afraid of finding the person that we love and the possibly losing them. Losing that validation. Losing that connection. Losing the person who was supposed to love us no matter what. So, instead, we just hookup in order to block out our emotional needs and attempt to convince ourselves that this is the best choice. But is it?
Dating is hard, finding someone right for you is hard, making yourself stay with one person while being surrounded by so many others is hard. It is a rough process. Emotionally, many will get hurt. And, in return, many will hurt others, as well. Many will want to stop looking and will give in to hookups. However, there is still hope for people looking for something more, you just have to keep looking. Really Cole? All you have for advice is "to keep looking?"
Yes.
In Sam Smith's popular song "Stay With Me", he sings, "Guess it's true, I'm not good at a one-night stand. But I still need love 'cause I'm just a man. These nights never seem to go to plan. I don't want you to leave, will you hold my hand?"
So the next time you wake up with someone next to you, will you hold their hand? Will you make it more than a hookup? Most importantly, will you stay with them?
