When asked to describe yourself in three words does your response come naturally or do you have to think about the characteristics that others force upon you? As children, we are advised to have this big imagination and engage in role play but as adults, we do not know how to separate ourselves from those roles. In today’s society, we are afraid to live our own lives because we have a fear of not being accepted. We do not live the lives of our own but the life that society has created for us. The unrealistic images of “perfection” that we desperately strive to achieve will only bring unnecessary personal suffering. Allowing ourselves to be the victim of our own lives will create a battle within ourselves that will diminish the little amount of “realness” we have left.

Take a moment alone and ask yourself, do I like who I’m becoming or have I fell accustomed to living this false identity? In order to free yourself from the hell you’ve been trapped in, you have to stop feeling sorry for yourself. Do not apologize for your beauty, your word, or the ways of being you. Allowing society to sculpt you into something that you’re not makes it evident that there is a lack of self-love. Embrace your flaws and love yourself for you because your love is the strongest love of them all.

Throughout my life, I have always been aware of my potential and appreciated the gifts that God granted me but I was always afraid to fully express myself. I was labeled as this young black woman with a pretty face that had hidden talents that no one knew about. It was not until I moved to New York and distanced myself from the life that I was so comfortable with and started to have a sense of who I really was. I removed the boundaries I set for myself and started to live. There were not any guidelines I had to follow or criteria that I had to meet because I was living for me and no one else. Once I became the master of my own happiness I felt a weight lift off my shoulders because I was no longer being dragged by other people. There was a birth of a new life, a new woman, and new beginnings.

The first step to becoming the controller of your own life is to accept that everyone is different and we all have our own paths that are mapped out for us. Trying to be someone that you’re not only limits your life because you are living at a pace that is not your own.

Some authors that can shed light on the importance of self-love are Don Miguel Ruiz and Alex Elle. Their books provide advice on real-life situations, ways to achieve self-growth and inspirational poems. They also provide posts on their social media accounts that help to sustain self-love.

Instagram: @DonMiguelRuiz, @Alex_Elle