If you've ever read any of my previous work, you know I'm a big believer and fan and enthusiast of music. It's something that get me and so many others through this tumultuous life. I believe there's a song for everything and this article just so happens to be titled Are You What You Want To Be, after the song of the same name by the band Foster the People.
I want to begin by asking you two questions: Are you the person you want to be and if not, do you like the person you have become?
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We live in an age where we have so much division between people being hateful and nasty about your size, appearances, personality, etc. and then there are the many others trying to combat the hate with messages of self love. "You should love yourself because there is no one else like you." "You are enough just by being yourself." "You don't need to change for anyone."
Now, I know the message here. You are not beautiful for your looks, but instead your intelligence and compassion and your personality, so you don't need to change the way you look for the sake of what society perceives as beautiful. And that is a fantastic message I fully support.
But what if you do need to change? What if you need to change for yourself and not for others? What if you need to change you on the inside before even looking at the outside?
Are you the person you want to be? Do you like the person you've become?
If you know me, you know I started college in August. I'm not (usually) the super outgoing, bubbly person around people I don't know, so it's hard for me to make friends. The first two months of college I was alone. I was isolated. I went to school everyday and came home. I didn't talk to anyone and no one talked to me. For the most part, it was just me and my thoughts which I have discovered is not something I enjoy, but sometimes good things result from that because you think:
Am I the person I want to be? Do I like the person I've become?
I quickly found out the answer to both of those questions was no. I was in no means popular in high school, but I felt like I fit in well enough. Up until the last few months before graduation, I surrounded myself with people that I felt I needed some kind of approval from. They didn't pressure me into that, but I always felt like the odd one out so I wanted to fit in. Essentially, I was looking for validation from people who were (and probably still are) looking for validation themselves. At the start of college, I was still that person and by being alone I was stuck with her. I didn't like her. I didn't like the girl who bought clothes to look like the rest of the friend group. I didn't like the girl who tried to hide "guilty pleasure" music from everyone. I didn't like the girl who compromised her opinions for the sake of trying to be a part of something that I didn't belong in.
I was not the person I wanted to be and didn't like the person I had become. So things changed.
Admitting you don't like yourself is hard, but it's crucial in to becoming someone you like. After all, if you are confident in who you are you're going to exude that confidence and in return people are going to gravitate toward you.
So, I made a few decisions. First, I declared myself a Math major because it turns out I love math and I'm good at it. It's not as common as a nursing major or biology, but it's what makes me happy. I joined this Odyssey team because I've learned that I love to connect with people and that makes me happy. I applied to be an Orientation Leader because that also allows me to connect with people and that makes me happy. And as a by product of these actions, I've made friends. Not because I seemed cool, but because I am unapologetically being myself. I'm going after what I want in life and living on my terms. I can honestly say in this moment, I'm happy with the person I'm becoming.
Becoming a person you're proud of is harder than it sounds. You're going to fail and you're going to have days where you don't like yourself. But you should always act based on what makes you happy and gets one step closer to who you want to be.
I leave you with two questions: are you what you want to be and if not, do you like the person you've become?
