I read once, probably on one of those Facebook posts that is nothing but a made up quote and a scenic background, that “The scary thing about relationships is you either break up or marry that person”. Normally I’m not the type of person to even think of relationships (seeing as I convinced myself that I am going to be forever alone), and after a string of failed relationships, I gave up trying. I gave up looking. I gave up attempting to have Tinder game. I gave up believing that I needed someone to make me happy. And it was at that moment, when I stopped trying, that you walked into my life. And it was the moment that followed that made me realize I just want you.

Now just to clarify, that transition didn’t happen as smooth as I have described above. In fact, that moment, was actually over the span of months. I had been out of my very first relationship for four months, spending my days and nights usually alone with junk food and Netflix, reading self help books and trying to analyze everything that is wrong with me, before you showed up. The months before your arrival seemed dismal. I would go to parties to try and meet new friends to fill that void, only to find that a majority of those people were only interested in hookups and not actual friendships. And then, like most who try and mingle yet remain single, I found myself reinstalling Tinder for the 18th time, and then uninstalling it a few days later. (I promise this article is more than just my lengthy list of failed Tinder dates).

At first it didn’t even hit me that things were different with you. I never had to try and impress you by talking about the places I’ve been, the things I’ve done, or the people I’ve met. We had real conversations and not “Hey :) how are you?” or “what’s up?”. Whether I was sporting my signature baseball tee, blue flannel around my waist, and super skinny jeans or my lazy day attire (lounge shorts and an oversized sweater), you still looked at me with the same smile. I didn’t have to try and make myself look a certain way for you to appreciate me. Every time I attempted to hangout with the others, I always felt like I wasn’t good enough. I didn’t look “hot” enough. I wasn’t that Tumblr boy we all secretly dream of dating. I didn’t need to be anyone but myself to be enough for you.

That’s something that I think a lot of us forget. Yes, a vast majority of people using Tinder use it as a joke or for hookups, but through my exploration and accidental sneak peeks of people swiping right or left, there are also those who genuinely use it for trying to find someone. However, there is something fundamentally wrong with Tinder. It’s all about making decisions in a split second without ever truly getting to know the pictures you see and swipe on. There was a video I once saw that said most conversations don’t make it past 5 messages. If we were taught to never judge a book by its cover, then why do apps like Tinder even get popular? I was always so focused on what people saw on the outside rather than what was on the inside. I was always so focused on people who only had an interest in trying to get myself noticed by others, than focusing on those who genuinely cared about what I already had on the inside. And for years this battle raged on inside of me, which later resulted in the diagnosis of an eating disorder. I became so addicted to trying to please others that I became a victim of my own mind.

From then on our bond only continued to grow stronger. And suddenly, I found myself sitting across from you in a coffee shop, with my hair a mess from the wind, wearing an oversized sweater, and feeling fine. Usually I would have panicked and went to brush my hair or try and dress up hoping that I’d at least feel more confident about myself. Yet, I had none of these pestering urges. And suddenly, I found myself under your gaze at the corner of my eye thinking I didn’t notice. It was at that moment when I realized I had stopped trying to impress those around me who didn’t even know who I was and been comfortable in my own skin. And it was the moment that followed, that I saw you gazing upon my flaws that had been opened up for the world to see, with nothing but a smile on your face and a twinkle in your eyes. Those few, short moments, was all it took to set my heart into motion. That was truly the moment I knew I wanted to be with you.

Sometimes it sucks being single. And honestly, sometimes it’s the best feeling in the world. Only you can really decide how to take it. All I can really tell those of you who have or are finding themselves in the same situation I once did, where you’ve tried everything to find your knight in shining armour yet are still stuck waiting in that tower to be rescued, is to just be patient. Easier said than done, right? But in all honesty, would you rather be saved by Shrek or Farquaad? In fact, the term saved is all wrong. Being single doesn’t mean you are a damsel in distress. You don’t need saving. Fiona waited….and waited….and waited….and waited for her knight to come. What made it so agonizing for herself? She was counting down the days and expecting her savior to come soon. But when you put down the fairytales and look at reality, a knight in shining armour riding in on a steed is nothing compared to the struggling college kid you find yourself loving every single bit of, getting off the city bus and bringing you your coffee. I can guarantee you that you are lovable. I can also guarantee that one day you are going to see that it was worth the wait (because sometimes those city busses get behind schedule).

If any of you were wondering, the official count for the amount of times I have uninstalled Tinder now rests at 19. And honestly, I am confident it will always remain so. Even if my struggling college kid doesn’t end up being a Shrek and more of a Farquaad, I finally feel liberated from my previous mindset. I truly feel loved for the first time, and it is a feeling that being super liked will never be able to equate to ever again. Just because you aren’t in a relationship now, or haven’t ever been in one in the past, that doesn’t mean you are unlovable. Take it from someone who would wake up everyday and look at themselves in the mirror and pick out everything wrong with the way they looked. Take it from someone who had waited 18 years to finally attempt a relationship. Just because you haven’t necessarily found your knight in shining armour doesn’t mean they aren’t out there. Stop counting the days and start living them. Personally, that was the hardest concept to grasp. I was exactly like Fiona. Sitting and waiting instead of living and letting fate do its work. Being single only sucks if you make it out to be.

In the end it all comes down to what you want. You can spend your days browsing the selection of Tinder matches, trying to find the right person you want to go out on a date with and are 99.98% sure they aren’t a murderer, or you can just live life day by day and one day find yourself sitting across from the person you feel as if you couldn’t live without. Everyone’s story is different. Everyone has the same beginning, but as for the middle and ends, well those are a different story. My advice though is to find your happiness, in whatever way that means. Don’t be a Fiona counting the days until you find someone to spend your days with, just go out and spend them! In the words of my favorite television characters of all time, “Treat yo self”.