Listen, verb.
1. To give attention with the ear; attend closely for the purpose of hearing
“Yes, I’m listening.”
“Wait what?”
“No really, I hear you!”
Communication is a part of life. We speak and hear one another speak. As college students, we sit in a lecture and decide if we are going to listen to our professor or simply hear them talk…and talk…and talk. But listening to someone, actively engaging, comprehending, empathizing, and caring, is very different from simply hearing them.
Hearing something is easy, but listening to something is much more challenging.
Listening is not an easy thing to do. It requires discipline, self-control, and an attentive and compassion heart. You must actively participate and be willing to formulate insight. When you engage in conversation, do you spend just as much time with your mouth closed as you do open? Do you make others feel valued and important through intentional eye contact? Are you attentive not only to their spoken words but to the heart that’s crying out behind them? This is listening. It’s much more than the physical act of using your ears.
“The first duty of love it to listen.” – Paul Tillich
If this is true, then why is it so hard for us to listen to those around us? What do we have to lose? Most people never completely listen, they’re simply waiting for their turn to talk. So often times, the quieter you become, the more you can hear. If you are one of the few that sacrifices “self” to listen to the world around you and those in it, you will be able to love wholeheartedly and learn from a unique perspective.
We love, so we listen.
Now, I can’t specifically say what it’s going to look like for you. It might be a needed conversation with a friend at a coffee shop. Or maybe instead of eating lunch with your usual friend group in the dining hall, you take a risk and sit by a stranger…and introduce yourself! (*GASP* I know! Pretty crazy, huh?) It really can be scary. And that’s because listening is vulnerable – it sometimes means that you truly engage and connect with someone else on a deeper level than, “Hi! How are you?” Sometimes it doesn’t mean that, which is completely okay too! Listening can be sharing lunch with a stranger and talking about the why you love watching *insert Netflix show you are currently binge watching* while eating your favorite ice cream. Listening doesn’t have to be deep, but it does have to be intentional.
So try it! Take a risk and truly listen to the people in your life…in your student organization…and even in your classroom. (Keep that phone in your backpack before class & see how many people you can get to do the same!!)
Here are 4 simple tips that will lead you to be a more intentional listener every single day!!! (You can use a dry-erase marker & write them on your mirror so you see them all the time! It really will help.)
1) Eliminate distractions
I know you think you’re great at multitasking, but trust me on this one. Just shut off your phone for a little while – when there aren’t distractions, listening becomes that much easier.
2) Ask questions before responding
Are you responding to what he/she actually just said? Don’t move into your response hastily – clarify what you understood before jumping to conclusions.
3) Focus on giving support, not just solutions
What sets listening apart from
4) Respond nonverbally while he/she is speaking
THIS IS HUUUUGE! Please, please don't miss this.
Don’t just stare off into space waiting for your turn to talk. Even when you aren’t speaking, you’re communicating. Eye contact, facial expressions, and non-verbals all play a crucial role in this! Think about a time when someone wasn’t doing one of these three things… Now, do you see what I mean?
Listening really is much more than we often consider it to be, but it plays a large role in our life each and every day. Train yourself to listen intently and take an interest in the lives’ of others. This will set you apart and take you far!
