So I wanted to try something different this week with a fictional short story. This is based on a conversation with my friend, Isaac, about this commercial for a new collection by Jared. Essentially, we think Jared employees may know too much about its customers. (No worries, from what I read on the site this is NOT what they actually do!) Enjoy!
"Ha! Your name is Jared AND you work at Jared?! I can REALLY say I went to Jared now can't I?!"
As if he didn't hear that all the time, Jared Berkovich replied, "Ha. Yeah I guess you can." Smile plastered on to hopefully hide the twitch in his eye. Jared had known working at the jewelry place would be a bad idea but he couldn't turn down a decent wage with rent so high. "Now, sir, will that be all for today?"
The customer chuckled, "Yeah I'm good, can't wait to give this to Kyra!"
"Excellent choice, sir. Have a good day."
Once the man had left the store, Jared released a groan he'd been holding in. He pulled out a small whiteboard resting on a shelf under the register and corrected the whiteboard that said It has been 3 hours since a "Jared" joke was made. The longest it had been in the four years Jared had worked there was seven hours.
It seemed as if there wouldn't be customers for a while, so Jared went back to the new part of his job, something he actually enjoyed. At first, he thought it disturbing but now he understood the headquarters' reasons. They needed to know. To be sure. As his boss, Aghla, said about the first couple he worked on, "We must understand Susanna and Jodi! We need to make sure they are...Chosen."
Just in time for the holidays, the company released "Chosen by Jared" with books telling the diamond's story and how your love story entwine. How much do they know? How much will they tell? What if they know how nervous you are about proposing or about the affair you had and are trying to cover-up with an engagement? Well they do. They know everything.
Many people know the slogan "He went to Jared!" but no one thought about what could happen if Jared went to you.
Jared Berkovich was in charge of research and reconnaissance of his store's Chosen Couples. One of the "Jareds" meant to send the couple's basic information to headquarters so within a day, a team could be dispatched to secretly plant cameras where the members of the couple frequented. Then, the Jareds would watch the cameras and collect information from various sources including social media to determine whether these couples truly belonged together.
Berkovich in particular wanted what was best for the Chosen Couples.
He reassured anxious clients.
"You're out of milk, Kent. And Joshua watched all of Dawson's Creek in preparation for this moment. You okay, Joshua? Netflix isn't the only one worried about you. Kent loves you, I can tell."
(Joshua contacted Berkovich to say he was much better after Kent said yes.)
He set them up with better people.
"Delilah...you could do better than Fredrick. You know it, I know it. Call Samyrah from our creative design department at 6265289921. She'll show you what true romance is like. That is the wedding I want to see. #TeamSamylah."
(He was quite proud of that one, Samyrah and Delilah were extraordinarily happy.)
He warned them about ring defects.
"Janice, this ring Tony picked for your engagement (congrats! We hope! Not enough data was gathered...) was made by our best carver, Harold, and one of our least talented welders, Gleason. So we understand if this breaks in four months. Just come on in. We'll know."
(He was off by a week and a half. Aghla was delighted she won the bet.)
So if you plan to go to Jared, think about it. Because Jared may go to you too.
