In college, one of the things that almost every student encounters (if their campus participates in it) is Greek life.

Here at the College of William & Mary, Greek life is a fundamental portion of campus life. A large majority of the social events that occur on our campus, whether they are parties, mixers, date functions, or fundraisers, are funded by the fraternities and sororities on campus.

When I arrived on campus this past fall, I debated whether to rush a fraternity or not. There is even still a small part within me that is debating whether to rush during my sophomore year.

But, although I went to some rush events during the fall and even during the beginning of the spring semester, I decided against rushing a fraternity, and I think that one of the most influential factors that held me back from rushing a fraternity was the fact that I have always formed a larger number of friendships with women.

But, don’t get me wrong, I still have plenty of good friends who are men, and some of the closest friends I’ve made while at college are males. But, the thing about the Greek system is that once you join a fraternity, you’re bound to those group of guys for the rest of your time on campus.

And while I think I would be perfectly happy in a fraternity and while I’m sure I would form great friendships, it just didn’t seem right for me. Instead of having to attend solely the parties for whatever fraternity I could possibly join, I would rather just party with the friends that I’ve already made on this campus and follow them wherever they go.

But see, the problem is that the party scene doesn’t always allow this to happen for me. While parties remain open to everyone during rush season because all of the brothers from each fraternity are trying to meet possible pledges, the minute that rush ends, many parties become closed.

There are often jokes about the stereotypical questions guests may receive when trying to enter fraternity parties, such as “who do you know here?” or “can you name 5 brothers?” But there is definitely some reality to these jokes.

Since the rigid Greek system prevents sororities from throwing parties, they must resort to going to fraternity parties if they want to dance, drink, or meet new people, which is just one example of how the age-old Greek system is sexist towards the sororities. Thus, this leaves fraternities in charge of throwing all of the parties and inviting sorority girls to attend.

Therefore, whenever fraternities throw parties, women are always allowed in. It would be practically impossible to try to figure out who was from a sorority or not, so they choose to simply just let all girls in because it is easier, and it is a good way to meet a lot of wonderful people.

However, the issue is that if I try to attend some of these parties with my female friends, I am sometimes turned away because I am a man, and there are a few possible reasons that you could explain why this occurs:

1. I am not a woman, so they can automatically assume I am not in a sorority and I am not a paying fraternity brother, so I did not contribute any money towards the party.

2. They want the only males at the parties to be brothers.

3. Since I am a man, I might be more likely to party harder and get the fraternity in trouble.

4. They assume I am a heterosexual, which lessens the chance that the brothers of the fraternities could hook up with one of the female attendees, because I could end up connecting with one of the girls on my own.

5. If everyone was allowed into parties, they might get out of control.

6. If men were let into parties freely, they would feel no inclination to rush.

While these are all valid arguments against me entering a party thrown by a fraternity, it creates an environment where the brothers of fraternities don’t get a chance to party with any other males on campus besides the ones who are in their fraternity, and it also isolates the group of men who chose not to be a part of a fraternity, or who may have even been denied a bid from one that they tried to rush.

I will admit that it is frustrating because if I want to spend one evening with my friends who are girls, but they decide to go out, there is always the chance that I will be stopped at the door and I will be separated from them simply because of my sex.

However while all of these arguments I posed above may be used by fraternities as excuses, there are many anecdotes that deny their validity.

First off, I can start by saying yes that I am not a woman, so there is no possibility that I am a part of a sorority. This also means that I do not pay any dues for sororities, so I contribute no money towards the Greek life on campus.

And if the brothers know all of the members of their fraternity, then they will know that I am not a paying fraternity brother either. However, an easy solution to this could be to charge a flat fee for any males that want to enter parties, such as $5, which would make perfect sense, since they contributed no money towards the party in any other way. I know certain sports teams that do this on campus, and it is actually a really smart idea, and it would be a great way for the fraternities to actually make some money from their parties.

Secondly, if they want the only men at parties to be fraternity brothers, that is all and well. However, if they are letting random girls come into the house, then it no longer becomes a bonding session between brothers alone. Also, as I mentioned previously, when you deny any other males from attending parties, it isolates the members of the fraternity from making any other males friends as easily on campus.

Thirdly, there is no proof to say that I might be a more reckless partier than any of the other females at the party, and as the hosts of the party, if anyone is getting too out of control, they have the power to deny more alcohol to those who they think have had too much.

Fourthly, I am a homosexual man, which already negates the fact that I might “steal women” from the brothers at the party. But, the parties should also not be focused purely on trying to hook up with the girls who attend, and that mentality is what created the rape culture that has been rampant on college campuses for decades now. Also, when you deny any males from entering parties, it denies any homosexual men who are in the fraternities from meeting any other men. It cements heteronormativity in Greek life, and it favors only those who are interested in forming romantic bonds with women.

Fifth, the thought that parties might get too out of control is proven wrong by the fact that many open parties occur where nothing bad ever happens. All of the parties thrown during rush season go well, and the parties that I have attended that are open throughout the rest of the year are all kept under control, and they are just as fun as the closed ones.

Finally, the idea that men would not want to rush if they could go to open parties is invalidated by the simple existence of sororities. The majority of the female friends I have made here on campus are in sororities and you could argue that they should feel no need to rush because all women can get into parties for free anyways. However, these girls still rush because sororities are great opportunities to go to social events, form bonds with other students, and be a part of a lot of great events, which draws them to them anyways. The same argument could be made for fraternities, and this would still be true even if parties were all open.

Thus, I am frustrated by the current system of partying that exists on this campus, and within other college campuses as well. While I have loads of close friends in fraternities and sororities here on campus, and while I have even considered trying to be a part of one, the way that the party scene excludes men who are not a part of Greek life is vexing.

If I choose not to be a part of a fraternity, that should not exclude me from all of those who do, and it should not prevent me from being with my friends. There are many ways to fix this issue, and there are many steps that fraternities could take to try to change. I love the Greek life here and I love all of the people who are a part of it, and whether I choose not to join because of the cost, the time requirements, or simply because of my personal opinions, I should not be exiled from the fraternities for the rest of my time here on campus. I would actually feel more inclined to join a fraternity if they all started throwing open parties, because then I could receive the benefits that come with being a part of one, but I would also be able to invite all of my friends to the parties that we throw and I could be free to follow my other friends if they went to other fraternity events.