As fall is quickly approaching we’re left with the daunting task of electing a new president. This November the country will choose a new leader and I for one cannot stop asking myself, are we being punk’d?
Seriously America, what the hell is going on here? Ashton where are you? The jig is up, let us all in on the joke. Is Ellen DeGeneres in on the prank too because we know how she loves to play jokes? The primary candidates for the Democratic and Republican parties are Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump or as I like to refer to him as, America’s number one f---b--.
Do you remember how back in school on sports teams you had the ‘A’ team, which were like the best players and then the ‘B’ team which consisted of the 2nd tier athletes and the benchwarmers? Well that’s how I see this election. All of the candidates are ‘B’ team at best. The only thing Ben Carson had going for him was that he was a doctor. I honestly forgot Jeb Bush and Marco Rubio were running, Ted Cruz just made me laugh hysterically and Bernie put up a good fight, but was ultimately backstabbed by his own party.
Then there’s Donald Trump who I personally believe is not even ‘B’ team material but more like a towel or water boy. I feel like this probably started as a joke in Donald’s head and it’s gone a little bit too far. In my mind I picture Trump sitting at home with Melania saying, “Honey I can’t believe they bought it, these idiots really nominated me to be the president of the United States.”
He’s proven to be a fantastic businessman—if you don’t count the multiple bankruptcy filings— yet he has no political experience. Like when you think of politicians Donald Trump is probably the last person anyone would have guessed. If the lack of experience didn’t already make you weary, how about when he opens his mouth? He is extremely misogynistic and blatantly racist. I mean he doesn’t even pretend to be politically correct and has no filter, which I actually do respect, but I just don’t see him leading our country well. I just feel like his entire campaign is more about entertaining us than about the presidency. It’s as if he is purposely trying to piss people off and be the opposite of what a presidential candidate should be. I think rapper David Banner said it best, “There is something strange about the Trumps. It's like they are doing the wrong things on purpose. It's a joke but I think it's on us.”
Now this brings us to Hillary Clinton. Good ol’ Hillary who is about as genuine as a Kardashian. Hillary makes me feel like I’m inside of a horror movie. Not the ones about ghosts and hauntings, the ones where there’s a crazy neighbor holding people in cages in their basement. She has this creepy, serial killer-esque vibe going on, in a very ‘it puts the lotion on its skin’ kind of way.
As a woman I was proud and thrilled at the possibility of the first woman president being elected, but Hillary and all her lying has really been working my nerves. First there was the email debacle, then there was the whole Democratic National Committee email leak and the Clinton campaign’s role in that, which by the way, someone needs to keep Hillary away from emails. Seriously, maybe she should go back to writing letters or sending telegrams the old fashioned way because emails don’t seem to be her thing. Look we all know politicians lie. They all do it, but Hillary is the worst. She is so bad at lying. Like if you’re going to lie girl, be good at it. We can see through all the fakeness.
I was listening to a popular urban radio station do an interview with Hillary Clinton and they asked her what she carried in her purse and she said hot sauce. Carrying hot sauce in your purse is not uncommon, especially if you’re from the south but the way she said it made it obvious that it was an attempt to connect with an African-American audience. Now this interview was right about the time Beyoncé dropped Lemonade talking about how she got hot sauce in her bag swag on Formation and everyone was talking about that. My guess is someone in Lieary, I mean Hillary’s camp mentioned that everyone was on their Beyoncé kick that week and she tried to make it seem like she was more relatable. Epic fail Hill, epic fail. Let’s be real, Pinocchio has more credibility to me than Hillary Clinton at this point.
It is clear that both Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are more than flawed, but they are the frontrunners. One of them will more than likely be president and until November hits and we know for sure which one it will be, I shall continue my daily scavenger hunt for hidden cameras because I just know Ashton Kutcher is behind all of this. He’s about to pop out and tell us all we’ve just been punk’d.
