For the longest time, I followed God and I followed his word willingly an openly until I started to question why. During a certain point of time in my life, I lost hope in Him. I started to doubt that he was capable of all these amazing things and I started to question that he wasn't as powerful as I once learned and believed for so many years.

I remember praying every night for Him to guide me or give me an answer and each time It seemed like I was receiving zero results. I was wondering if I wasn't praying right or that maybe he just doesn't want to hear what I have to say and that I'm just one small voice floating among the billions. I thought "Why me? Why can't you hear me, God?" I felt that he had turned against me and that I was alone and stuck with no one to hear my thoughts and true feelings.

I went on feeling like this for a few years. I would try reading the Bible and spent hours highlighting scriptures that I thought could help guide me back to my faith but each time I tried to find meaning in those highlighted words I still saw them as meaningless, it was just a book full of rainbow highlighted mess. I started to get angry with myself because I wanted so badly to be able to feel connected to my faith again but I just couldn't do it. I felt empty without his guidance which is a feeling that I wouldn't wish upon anyone. I still had a sliver of hope left to find my faith and I was almost at my limit when one day I just decided to take a break and watch TV, specifically the new "Grey's Anatomy" episode that had aired.

I know what your thinking; "How did she go from talking about God to talking about a TV show?!" Well, I'll tell you how. This one small part of this episode made a big impact on my life. In "Grey's Anatomy," there is a character who is as God-fearing as someone could be until one day she started to question God's power just like I had and her name is April Kepner. April had started to question why God would take people out of this world leaving behind others and how could he possibly justify actions like that. Kepner's whole personality changed. She became angry with God and with herself, she was in a dark pit of hopelessness, one I knew too well.

It wasn't until Kepner found herself taking care of a new patient that light was shed on her faith. Her newest patient was a Rabbi and even though he was of a different religion than her they both knew God's word the same. He took one good look in her eyes and saw how lost she was, it was then that he told her and me something that we have been needing to hear for a long time.

"Faith wouldn't be real faith if you only believe when things are good."

Those words flowed through my brain and it felt like a switch had been turned on in my heart. I suddenly felt a wave of calm, something I hadn't felt in a good while, flow through me. I realized that you can't just pick and choose when you want to believe in something, you have to go in all or nothing full force, without a doubt in sight. I had spent all these years so confused and lost and it had all been wiped away with one sentence from a fictional character in the show that I just watched every Thursday night.

I believe that everything happens for a reason and I believe that this was God's grand gesture, his way of showing me that he is real and that he is as powerful as I once knew and now know today, it just took him a good hot minute for his word to get to me and for me to be ready to receive it.