When I was about 11 years old or so, you found a little story that I had wrote while you were cleaning my room for me. I was at a sleepover with a bunch of my friends and when I called home to say goodnight my father had told me what I had done. He told me how I had broke your heart with what you found and to this day at 21 years old, I still hate myself for ever letting you think my story was about you.
You’ve been my best friend since well, forever. I have always looked at our relationship and felt sorry for daughters who don’t share a bond this strong with their mother. And when I say I’ve always felt this way I truly mean always, even at 11 years old. Some of my friends don’t even hesitate to tell their mother that they hate them, me though, I could never even fathom uttering those words to you. I could never live with hurting you like that, with letting you think I ever felt that way. Even in our worst arguments, when I am full of anger, I still can’t bring myself to say I hate you--the thought never even crosses my mind.
I’ve always loved writing down my thoughts, and for that particular story, I wrote about a girl who told her mom, “I’m going to hate you forever and ever.” This event, even though it was years ago now, is something I will never forget. It is burned into my memory. Every little detail. So believe me when I tell you my explanation is 100% the truth. When I wrote this story I wrote it around the idea that the relationship that you and I have is unbreakable, the respect and love I have for you is infinite. I wrote it because it amazed me when earlier that day I watched my friend tell her mom that she hated her, I watched her treat her mom like dirt and I just felt pity for them. The problem with my story was that I never finished writing it, I stopped before the part where you would have read how amazing I think you are.
My father told me over the phone that night that I made you cry and, I kid you not, when I realized the idea that I had planted in your head, my heart sank, my eyes began to water and I knew no matter how many times I apologized or tried to explain what it really was there would be a moment in your life where you thought I hated you.
This has bothered me every single day since because every day of your life you sacrifice for me. You’ve always done everything in your power to give me anything I ask for. And beyond that, you are my best friend.
I know that no matter how bad I have messed up I can always come to you, I know that you will never judge me or love me any less because of something I have done. Your love is unconditional and never ending. You are my number one fan and you help me see the good through all the bad. You inspire me day in and day out, I am motivated to be successful because I know that when I am I can take care of you. I can start to pay you back for everything you do for me, I can give you the break you deserve.
I just wanted to tell you I’m sorry. I’m sorry if you’ve ever thought I hated you. I’m sorry for all the times I ever came across as ungrateful or unappreciative. Everything that I am and everything that I ever accomplish I owe it all to you. The amount of love and respect that I carry for you is immeasurable. I’m so blessed to have a mother and a best friend like you to share my life with. I don’t tell you enough how valuable you are to me. To think I’ve ever let you feel otherwise absolutely breaks my heart.
I love you, mom. Thank you for everything you do.
Xoxoxo
-Sammi
