I’m sorry. I am so sorry.

I’m sorry that I’m extremely awkward and that I lack self-confidence. I’m sorry I never text you first because I’m too afraid to annoy you. I’m sorry that I don’t know a lot about being in a relationship. I’m sorry for my jealousy and my stupidity. I’m sorry that I’m not interesting. I’m sorry that I rarely ever talk around your friends. I’m sorry for all the struggles I put you through and all the guessing I make you do. I’m sorry that I’m not emotionally available and that I spend a lot of my time alone. I’m sorry that my expectations are so impossibly high. But most of all, I’m sorry that I’m afraid to love and that it will hurt you when you realize it.

Just know I’m broken. That I used to let myself fall so easily. Just know that I stay awake every night and just think. I think about you; about us. I think about the moon and the stars and all of the universe. I think and think, and sometimes, I think myself into fear. I think about what would happen if you didn’t feel the way I do. I think about how many times I’ve been hurt and scare myself away from the thought of loving you. Just give me time. Even when I push you away and don’t text you back, fight for me. You need to know that I do really love you and that I’m waiting for you to fight for me. I’m waiting for you to break down my walls that I’ve built.

I’m sorry for a lot of things and I know it’s a lot of baggage to carry, but trust me, if you survive it all, I will love you to the end. I will walk through Hell for you. I promise.

I may be sorry for a lot of things, but you should know that I’m not sorry for my music taste. I’m not sorry for how much makeup I wear or how many times I wear the same pair of Vans. I’m not sorry for the books I read or the way I get emotionally invested into a book, movie, or show. I’m not sorry for the way I laugh or the amount of coffee and tea I drink. I’m not sorry for my friends or family, especially my mom’s side of the family. I’m not sorry for my messy organization or the love I have for my best friends. I’m not sorry for anything that makes me happy. I’m not sorry for my dreams and the way I sing loudly. And I’m definitely not sorry for my faith and my decisions I make for my body.

P.S. I may be a tad bit crazy, but you’re lucky to have me!