In our world today, I often see people apologizing for every little thing that happens. I see it when someone held the door open an awkwardly long time and you're apologizing for taking just a second too long to get to them.
I see it happen when purchasing a lot of groceries and the person behind you only has a couple items (even though they could clearly see you had an entire cart full). I've watched unnecessary apologies happen when someone takes the last of the ketchup or asks to borrow my computer because theirs is broken.
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It seems today that apologies are used frequently and don't always mean as much as they're supposed to. While I admit that there are times when apologizing is important and very necessary, there are times when it definitely is not.
Recently, I had someone close to me who was struggling to figure out if she was happy in a relationship, and it reminded me a lot of her past. She sat and told me everything that was wrong, cried and explained to me on countless nights what was happening and why she was so upset. This wasn't the first relationship she had been in where she was upset often. It's pretty common for others to take advantage of someone who tends to be naive or trusts people far too easy. While I hate to admit it - she's one of those.
I distinctly remember in one of her previous relationships that she was head-over-heels for this guy who barely gave her the time of day. Everything was great when they were together, but when they were apart (which was far more often), he would act rude and distant. He would degrade her for wanting him to talk to her more or act more interested in her day. She was constantly apologizing for being so interested in him and for being upset that he refused to talk to her more when they were apart. She was apologizing for having feelings that she couldn't change. And that's not okay.
No one should have to feel as though they have to change what they feel or who they are for anyone. If you are in a relationship, regardless of how long it's been, and they tell you that you can't feel the way you do, then you need to leave.
Disengagement, emotional abuse, and controlling behaviors are all signs of an unhealthy relationship. While it's sometimes hard to hear these things, I've learned so many relationship lessons over the years that I feel I need to share with my close friends.
Under no circumstances should you be with someone who makes you feel bad more than you feel happy. Relationships are hard, of course, but you should always choose someone who makes you happy and would do anything to protect you. They shouldn't want to see you upset. Compromise makes the relationship work - and if you aren't both willing to do that from time to time, you'll have a hard time making it work.
What I'm really trying to say is this: stop apologizing. You're allowed to have feelings and you're allowed to express them. If the relationship is strong, you'll be able to overcome any obstacles together. If they can't handle the fact that you have feelings like a normal human being, you need to re-evaluate the relationship.
Do you really want to be with someone who tells you that you can't be sad? Or do you want to be with the guy who will lift you up and do anything to see you smile?
Choose that guy. Choose to be happy. Apologizing for having feelings won't change the fact that you have them. Own it and be true to yourself. In the end, the only person who can determine your happiness is you.
