My anxiety was at its worst in the evening.
It would surface during stressful times, between papers and work tasks, after being awake for too long with too much to do with too much pressure. It would start with a casual mistake or slight inconvenience, a spelling error or a change in the daily routine, and spiral into anxiety attacks with shortness of breath, a pounding heart and racing heartbeat and a lot of self-doubt about whether my future would be obtainable. Anxiety would often trigger other issues within me, making it a major battle once an attack began. The effects of a spelling mistake were, to me, sometimes all it required to spiral into a paralyzingly nervous bout of self-doubt, leaving me unable to sleep at night and get out of bed during the day.
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To have anxiety is to be scared of the future or of what's to come, sometimes to the point of extreme irrationality. During my worst bouts of anxiety, walking down the street alone was enough for me to make excuses to stay in, and the thought of going to class would require me to wake up extra early in order to prepare for a slight spell of distress with heart racing and head-aching incapacitation.
I felt like I was alone. One of the major symptoms of my anxiety was that I felt like nobody had the same problem, nobody was experiencing the same symptoms and issues as intensely or with as much feverish emotion as I was. At the time, it seemed my issues were severe, and I was on an island that nobody else could even see and had never been to — a place of constant worry and impending physical reactions to mental doubts and complexities.
I realize now that I have manageable anxiety, and that I am not at all the only person with this issue, particularly in my age group. Eleven percent of students surveyed by the National Alliance on Mental Illness dropped out due to an anxiety disorder or daily anxiety, with anxiety surpassing depression as the most common mental health problem with college students, according to a survey of college counselors. Anxiety affects an estimated 40 million adults in the U.S.
I am not the only one with a little bit of fear in me.
College can be stressful. It's busy, hectic and can take a person out of their comfort zone. It can be hard to manage, and sometimes, it's a lot to handle academically, socially and emotionally. And with the valleys, come the peaks.
One of the greatest assets at Ohio University is that there are different outlets for people with mental issues or things like anxiety. OU's Counseling & Psychological Services, located within Hudson, allows for students to do walk-in hours with counselors and psychologists, giving them the opportunity to work with professionals and to learn how to cope and manage stress and anxiety.
For me, OU CPS has given me tools I never had and the ability to talk in ways I never did, as well as to be open with my struggles. I've learned about mindfulness and how to manage sleep. I feel empowered enough to admit what I was once ashamed of or embarrassed about, and though I can't say I don't feel anxious every day, I don't have the same horrible symptoms and extreme fear that I did. I await my future a little fearfully, but I want to feel the present fully.
Anxiety is an individual problem with everyone experiencing it differently with different triggers or reasons for any particularly severe moments. It can be so crippling and intense that one might feel alone, especially in a place like Athens which is always so jubilant and filled with such positivity. The important thing to remember is not to isolate or to forget that, on the worst days or during the longest nights, you're not the only one with fear.
