My mind is at war within me. My heart is weary from the heavy weight of my anxiety. My eyes sting from the tears that fall from seeing the destruction all around, why? Why God, must Satan wage war within my heart? Why must you remain silent and distant?

Where are you God, when I am brought low? Do you not know? Do you not hear? Where are you when the troubles of my heart are many and when the anxieties of my soul cripple body?

Where are you God, when the evil of this world threatens to rip me apart piece by piece? Do you not see me?

Satan is the master of all pain, the king of all torment. Day after day he plays his skillful games in my head. He pulls and he pushes and I cannot see straight. Where are you God?

He is the author of all lies, the illustrator of all deception. He draws my eyes by scenes of desire and illusions of beauty that rip and eat away at my flesh. My eyes are burdened by a weight I cannot bare. Where are you God?

My lips are quick to speak lies, my eyes are quick to seek failure and imperfection. My heart is hesitant to trust and unwilling to let go. My body is tense, unrelenting in restlessness. I’m tired God…

I am tired God, of the lies that play like a broken record in my mind, leaving a continuous sting in my soul.

I am tired God, of the comparison that steals my joy and leaves me feeling worthless.

I am tired God, of the fear that grips my body, of the fear that stops my lungs from breathing and causes me to lie in death.

I am tired God…

“Peace”

So simple, so sweetly spoken from the recesses of my anxious mind.

“Hope”

So loving, so softly breathed from within my doubting heart.

“Joy”

So kind a smile on my Father’s face. So loving a song sung over my lifeless soul.

When the dust settles, as the sun begins to rise, I see you.

I see you as you declare peace over the raging sea that is my anxiety. I see you as you clear the rubble from the ground, and wipe the tears from my eyes. I see a smile on the face of a Father who holds His beloved close.

I feel you as you heal the wounds opened by words sharper than a knife. I feel you as you grasp for my hand and speak life into a soul once dead and now alive.

“Take heart, my dear. For I am with you, always.”

These bones that once ached with despair, with a weight too heavy to bare now throb with joy. These eyes that once stung from the immeasurable weight of perfection now glisten in the hope of redemption. This heart that once was broken, longing for healing is beating with new life!

Satan is not my king! For one day he shall be shut up in the depths of the worst punishment, bound for eternity, suffering eternally. Satan is not my master for one day he will bow to the one that made my heart beat with new purpose! He will one day be crushed by the feet of the one who walks beside me!

I am burdened but not overcome. I am pained but not destroyed. I am weary but not hopeless. I am groaning for a home that is to come, I am longing for a day where my Father will rescue me from this battlefield I am entrusted to.

My mind is at peace, for you have given to me the great promise of rest. My heart is no longer downcast for you have renewed my spirit. My eyes are no longer troubled for my troubles no longer enslave me. My body is no longer bound by chains of shame but set free by blood of mercy and love.

And when the dust settles, and the tears dry, and my body no longer aches to stand...

I see you…