Dear Anxiety,
You're everywhere, and sometimes it seems as if I can never escape you. Why do you get so much pleasure out of invading all aspects of my life? Being in your 20s is already hard enough as it is. You don't deserve a place in my life, and yet here you sit making yourself at home anyway.
You are behind every nervous phone call and every extra note in class just to make sure that I got the material written down perfectly. Speaking of perfection, you are the reason that I read text messages over and over just to make sure that I am not coming across the wrong way. You are the reason that nothing ever feels ready for the world to see.
Don't even get me started on the topic of you sinking your claws into every friendship that I have ever made since you first made your way into my life. Because of you, I am frequently afraid of getting stood up if a friend shows up even a minute late to our plans. You make me question myself in the times that I need to express how I feel to my friends, and you make me wonder if they still want to be my friend after I have made a mistake. You present yourself to me in the worries behind every unanswered text message, and it's not funny anymore. Consider yourself lucky that I mention you to my friends.You are the reason I don't go out on Friday nights and the reason I'd rather sit in front of my TV on Saturdays instead of going out to explore. It's no one's fault but yours that I hate talking to new people and dread making new friends even when I crave them so desperately.
However, I guess I have a lot that I can actually thank you for. Thank you for making me a stronger person, ready to try and tackle any sort of obstacle that comes my way. Thanks to you I've made a better effort to get to know myself, to really understand the kinds of things that give me trouble and make me upset. I've learned how important it is to take care of myself before I can even try to take care of others. You have taught me that mental health is just as important as physical health, and that no one can make an effort to feel better without acknowledging this first. You have made me realize the importance of spreading awareness of mental illness and letting people know that it is okay to feel this way. This my biggest reason to thank you.
One day I will be strong enough to kick you to the curb. Until then,
Megan
