Anxiety: an overwhelmed feeling of confusion or lostness.
Anxiety: a crutch I cling to even when I despise my own actions.
Anxiety is something that I desperately wish I did not experience. Unfortunately, I do experience anxiety almost on a daily basis. The lost feeling of losing control and escaping non-threatening situations envelop my existence. I hide behind a facade of myself pretending I'm not crying inside constantly and breaking down. I put up a face to pretend that everything is fine and that nothing wrong is happening. I desperately wish for others to be oblivious to my mental disorder. I want this to be an inward battle that I face alone.
However, others are here to support me through my attacks. I am not alone in this battle. There are other people willing to support me through the war. Often, I feel that this battle is a losing one where I MUST fight alone, then I have others who show and prove to me that my thinking is false. That they are there to support me. They encourage me after attacks and are there to hug me when I have an attack. I never have to feel alone with my sisters and friends. They may not understand my attacks but they won't allow me to fight it alone.
I may dread the support in the moment, but later, after I have cooled off and recollected my thoughts, I am appreciative of their support even if I feel suffocated in the moment.
Anxiety is a collection of thoughts that become too much to handle and remain suppressed for too long. Eventually, the thoughts become too much and an attack occurs. Without reason, without prompting, without your permission: the attack becomes too much to bear and people have their own ways to cope with their attack. For myself, I leave the situation and return later after I have had time to process and calm down. Others, stay and build up more stress from the anxiety.
Anxiety and Stress are two different things. Anxiety seems to have no way to escape, whether that is true or not doesn't make a difference, it just SEEMS. Stress, on the contrary, is more situational and easier to repress and move on from. Anxiety feels like a huge boulder that is placed on your head and continues to grow heavier. Stress can be resolved by positive thoughts and moving on.
We as people are taught to suppress our emotions. We are told not to show our stress, frustration; if it is not happiness, then we cannot show how we feel. We are being trained to have anxiety or anxious thoughts. Showing emotion does not make a person weak, it makes them a person.
