Hello again,
My dear frenemy who I have lived with for awhile now. You come and go as you please, leaving me happy one moment, sad the next. Sometimes it feels like I am stranded on an island where no one understands why I can't just go out and enjoy the night with friends or hold a conversation without constantly looking down.
You like to bring out the worst in me, telling me I shouldn't go out because of what people will think of me or telling me I am not good enough and I shouldn't have friends.
You like to let me crawl into a shell and stay there.
You make my mind is spin, second guess every stare, comment, and message. You like to take away the joy of the day out of nowhere.
You like to make me obnoxiously early for things out of fear of what will happen if I'm late, you like to make me fear having to walk into class late because of what people will think or watch them stare as I go to my seat.
The worst thing? I can't control you. I can manage and maintain you but you will always be the bug on my back, the whisper in my ear.
But, as long as you are with me, I will be stronger because I am learning to not let you define me, instill fear in me or change me. I will continue to push myself to do things that give me the sinking feeling in my stomach that is a constant reminder of you because then I know I am not letting you win.
