All my life, I've hated entering situations in which I didn't know exactly what to do. The idea of doing things alone that I had never done before paralyzed me, and I never liked to really venture out. My hometown and my house have always been sources of great comfort and happiness to me. My town, my yard, my room, my family and childhood friends always surrounding me - I was completely attached.
When junior year of high school rolled around and it came time to start looking at colleges, I wanted nothing to do with it. I wanted to go to college, but I knew, hands down, that I didn't want to live away at school. The idea terrified me, and I shut off when people talked about it. I couldn't imagine being away from my house, my family, and my childhood friends. I arbitrarily applied to five different schools, knowing that even if I got accepted to the schools that were too far away from home to justify commuting, I wouldn't go. The idea of being dropped off at college surrounded by thousands of people I didn't know made me dizzy, and whenever it crossed my mind I pushed it back out defiantly.
As my peers began getting accepted to their choice schools, and graduation came around, I merely watched as people posted pictures on Facebook of their arrivals at school, their new dorm rooms, and new and possibly lifelong friends. I felt small twinges of envy whenever I saw their photos, but of course my safe cocoon of my home and my room and my childhood friends was so much better and not worth leaving behind. Right?
For my first few years of college, I swore I would never, ever regret not living away. I never had to deal with a roommate I didn't get along with, I had my own space, I didn't have to worry about having to figure everything out on my own, and I didn't have to integrate myself into groups of people I didn't know. I was happy staying home with my family, my friends I'd been around for a decade, and my job I'd already been at for three years. I was "safe," by my own standard, but safe isn't always good. It only took getting through my entire five years of college to realize this.
Looking back I'm not necessarily unhappy. I've learned a lot about myself, I have a degree now which feels amazing, and I'm dating one of my best friends I've ever met at school, and have met some amazing people through him. I also saved a lot of money by not living away. However, I realize that by living at home and simply showing up for a few hours of class every day and then leaving again, I missed out on a major period of growth.
I passed up a huge chance to break my stagnant patterns, get away from the town I'd been in for eighteen years, meet new people, have new experiences and a taste of independence, and expand mentally, spiritually, and intellectually. Honestly, if you're not sure about living at school, do it. Just take that leap of faith and know that much more good than bad will come out of it, and that you'll learn much more at school than just what your classes have to teach you.
