I was first diagnosed with anxiety when I was in the sixth grade. It first happened when I was laying in bed one night. My whole body started shaking and my heart was racing a mile a minute. I went into my mother's room and asked what was going on with me. She told me I was having a panic attack. I did not understand what it was because in my own head I was dying.
For a long time, I had panic attacks every week, sometimes every night. These attacks would happen for no reason at all. I went to my first therapy session and the therapist confirmed that I had GAD or Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I thought this made me a freak of nature.
My therapist then made up some tools for me to use. Some of these tools were the cliché things like, take deep breaths, focus on things that make you happy, or do something that makes you happy. At the time these tools sounded dumb and like they would not work.
Today, I use these tools all of the time if I feel something coming on. When I was first diagnosed I made a vow to myself that I would never go on medicine. That changed when I got my first job. I was working a lot and it was all very new to me. Anyone that knows me knows that I do not do well in new situations. Every night I would cry to myself because the job really stressed me out.
There was one weekend where I was working and my parents got to go down to our trailer. I called my mother crying on Friday night and told her I could not go to work the next day. Keep in mind that I was home by myself with no one to talk to. This may sound like another day to some people but to me, it was the worst situation I could be in. I used to keep everything in and not tell anyone how I was feeling.
If I do that now, there is a time where I explode and it is an even worse feeling. After a couple nights of crying and talking, we decided I would go on medicine. I had a hard time accepting this at first because I did not want to have to take medicine to feel normal.
I have been on medicine for some time now and it has just become part of my routine. It controls my anxiety and sometimes blocks out those terrible feelings. I have come a long way since first being diagnosed and I am very grateful for that.
If you have anxiety just know that I feel your pain. Sometimes anxiety can control you no matter how hard you try to make it not. It can put you in a very dark place.
Also, if you have anxiety, do not feel like you are a freak of nature because many people have it. People just have it in different severities and forms. Just remember that no matter what type of anxiety you have, you are just as functional as the rest of this crazy society.
Do not let anyone bring you down or look down on you because of a mental illness.
