Anxiety affects me. Some people hardly believe it when they first meet me. Which honestly is good and bad all in one. I wish people understood that sometimes what they cannot see doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. I wish that they understood that sometimes people do not always seem the way that they are. Some people are just better at hiding things. Some people have just learned how to “paint” a smile on their face and make it seem like nothing in the entire world is going on or bothering them when something honestly is. It truly takes a special person to see and experience the pain the person is hiding in their eyes.
Anxiety is not always noticeable and sometimes it is. I have experienced moments alike. Sometimes it is as noticeable as the wind blowing the trees and sometimes it is more secretive and less noticeable. Sometimes it is immediate and sometimes it is not. Sometimes you can feel it coming on but it takes time to come into full effect and other moments it is sudden and without even a drop of warning. Sometimes it is noticeable that I cannot seem to catch my breath. And my palms are sweating and I am shaking from so much fear. Sometimes I just curl up in a ball and just want to be left alone. Other moments it is not noticeable at all to those around me and in all honestly, I just need held. But these are the moments nobody notices so I end up just feeling all alone.
Anxiety is seen as an excuse to many. It’s not. Some people see anxiety as something that just occurs in the head. Something that doesn’t exist and the person is just exaggerating. Something that they do not personally experience so they do not understand the feelings it causes. When you explain something to someone and they do not understand they sometimes things like “It’s just in your head.” Or “Calm down, it’ll be over soon.” This is not always true. It is not just something made up in someone’s head. It is not just something that will always end soon. Anxiety is something that continues on for some people. Sometimes it seems to only last for a moment and other times it seems to last for eternity. I have been told that they do not want me to even discuss my anxiety with them. They don’t want to hear anything about it. They do not want me to even mention it. It drives me crazy. I’m sorry but I’m not going to not mention it. It is part of who I am. It’s not like I want to have anxiety. It is not like I wish people could experience it…It’s terrible. I cannot stand it and I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone. It drives me crazy and sometimes makes me sick just thinking about it.
Anxiety is indescribable. Anxiety drives me crazy. It is something that honestly effects everyone differently. It is something that no two people will experience just the exact same way. Anxiety causes me to overthink nearly everything. It causes me to worry about the smallest details that I have no control in. It causes me to have trouble breathing or feel my heart racing. It has caused me to send the same text over and over just because if not I worry. I wish my anxiety wasn’t a thing but it is and I cannot change it. It’s who I am. And I’m slowly learning more and more things to do during an attack or what to do after one. I everyday learn something new about my anxiety. I know when I’ve had a really bad day and my anxiety is off the wall I’ve learned to say a prayer and open my bible.
Anxiety is something I’m just becoming public with. I have experienced anxiety for quite some time but honestly, I would never talk about it before. It was something I hid from many because I didn’t want to admit it to myself. I didn’t want to officially tell myself the truth behind what was going on with me. It’s sad that this is the truth but it is. The thing is society tells us that anxiety is wrong. Society teaches us that this is all in our head and that we seriously are exaggerating. It’s not true though this isn’t entirely in our head. Trust me who would really wish this disorder on themselves? I wouldn’t. I just want you to know if you are someone who suffers from anxiety you are not alone. Speak out and tell someone. Having a few close friends who know about my anxiety disorder has helped me out in more ways than I can count.
