Anxiety is a beast.

No fancy introductory paragraph, let’s get right to it. During my second semester of my freshman year of college, I had the pleasure of taking an introductory psychology course due to my wildly deep fascination with humans and the human mind, as well as the slight detail of it being a required course for me.

While we learned about a wide array of fascinating topics such as disorders, sleeping patterns, and behavior tendencies, a topic that stuck out to me a little more than most was heuristics, specifically the availability heuristic.

To give an example of the availability heuristic, think about how the fear of terrorism grew exponentially after the terrorist attack on 9/11. Because this attack had happened, terrorism was suddenly a huge fear on everyone’s radar even though they are more likely to die in a car crash in their daily life rather than an act of terrorism. I became extremely interested in this topic and the major effects it has on people without them even realizing.

Our minds are so quick to fear something when it becomes relevant and appears consistently all around us, especially if both of these things happen at once. All throughout my life, I have struggled with deep anxiety and irrational fears. Throughout the years, months, and even weeks though, these fears and sources of anxieties have changed to become relevant to my current situation, aka the availability of what is around me.

All throughout my middle and high school years, I played the bassoon in a concert band. This involved a great deal of solos, performances, and auditions. When these events would draw near, I would undergo great deals of anxiety, worrying that I would forget my instrument, play the wrong music, forget the music, fall off the stage, the judge would refuse to hear me, etc., all of these completely irrational fears that never happened or came close to happening. They were simply brought to my attention because of the situation that was present and most available to me.

My freshman year of high school, my dad was diagnosed with cancer (he is completely cancer-free now), and it took our family by surprise, and I started to gain this deep fear that everyone in my family or anyone I knew and loved would get diagnosed with cancer, or some fatal disease, and possibly die and be taken away from me. It’s not probable or realistic that every single person someone knows will get diagnosed with cancer, but because that was what was shaking my world, that’s what became my irrational fear.

While my dad’s cancer was obviously not my choice, and quite frankly, struggling with anxiety wasn’t my choice either, I did play a role in giving into this heuristic effect. I let the current, negative circumstance engulf me, and I gave way to it like a puppet on a string. I think and then overthink some more, refuse to talk it out, sink deep into an unreasonable amount of alone time, and worry as if it burned calories.

Anxiety is awful, and most of the time it cannot be controlled down to a halt, but by controlling what is available to you, you can somewhat control what you fear. I am afraid of being alone, but I choose to surround myself with loving friends and family who are patient with me and remind me daily that I do not have to be alone.

I am afraid of rejection, but I constantly choose to remind myself of my successes and the ones I have yet to make, encouraging me to keep fighting to be who I want to be. The devil is always whispering lies to me about my identity and physical appearance, but I choose to surround myself with scripture and prayer, leaning on the truth that proclaims me as valuable, beautiful, and downright worth dying for.

I have bad days, sometimes really dark, bad days, but I choose to reminisce on photos that take me to favorite memories, listen to music that takes me back to a flawless concert, and let myself have a good sweat simply to remind myself how alive I am, and how precious that is.

The availability heuristic is something that is a part of your everyday life, whether you realize it or not. What is available to you is what you think about, shape your life around, and either fear or love.

If you are surrounding yourself with darkness, how can you expect to feel the light? I am not lessening anxiety in any way, I know of its ugly power and relentless voice, but what voice are you using to talk back to it? Are you agreeing or are you yelling back, screaming reminders of the beauty, love, joy, and amazement woven into the fabric of your life.

Anxiety has temporary fingers, grasping at what is available to it, and if you give it poison to latch onto, it will grow. If you give it hope, the most powerful thing in all the word, it will run and hide. I don’t know about you, but I like my fears where I like my due dates; out of sight and out of mind.

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. 1 John 4:18

“Hope is the only thing stronger than fear.” - Suzanne Collins