If you're sensitive or have no sense of humor, read no further. This anti-motivational speech may leave you feeling unmotivated, lethargic, and glum. However, if you do have a sense of humor and need some lighthearted mockery of our everyday life, carry on.
Earlier this week, at my job as a waitress, I fumbled my tray of cocktails and sent coasters flying. My fingers clumsily stabbed a cherry and an orange together to place atop a specialty mixed drink as I went to serve customers with my gawkish attempts. The bartender asked, "Are we struggling today?" I said, "Nope. Not just today. This is my life. Every day. This is just my reality." He laughed, shook his head in pity and walked away, missing the sight of my tray precariously tip as I stumbled away.
Life, every day, is a struggle. Life is hard, even if it's I-Trip-On-Nothing kind of deal and a questioning of why I make every little thing so damn hard. After that evening of non-out-of-the-ordinary struggles, endeavors that make me look like an ogre in a China shop, I reflected on my own reality and the other people's own reality. And here are my thoughts-slash-advice (for entertainment value only) when you quite literally stumble across moments in life.
When you can't seem to catch a break, take a break.
Now, it may seem like the easiest thing to do, rather, the best thing to do is to stop completely, to give up.
Don't.
Instead... Pause! Breathe. Run a lap around the block! Do some jumping jacks. Hug your cat. Maybe break a watermelon over your head.
This is completely inadvisable. But it would be better to take it out on a watermelon than a cat.
When the overwhelming sense of panic and disorientation hits you...
like you're lost and spinning out of control, spin in three circles quickly. Repeat in the opposite direction until either the feeling surmounts or you toss the watermelon pieces you ate. This works really great in an office chair, the kind that spins and you spun around on as a kid until you were too dizzy to walk. Don't lie. We know you did.When you're stress eating the leftover Valentines day chocolate you bought yourself...
and binge-watching "Orange is the New Black" for the second time on Netflix, pat yourself on the back for the commitment issues you have with anything except a TV series.
When you begin to realize you might not be as unique and special as you thought you were...
put your sweatpants back on, put your hair in a messy bun (that isn't nearly as attractive as those weird man buns on Instagram now), and call your mom. Surely she'll tell you how truly distinct and remarkable you are. It's okay, my mom lies to me too.
Okay, that was mean...
Remember, you are what you eat just as much as you are what you think. This last cliche is monumental because we make our own realities. Living in our own brains, we create our own lives. As much as we like to think everything is out of our control, the simple fact is we are in control.
We control our thoughts. We control most things, and the things we don't manipulate are some of the most exciting aspects of life. We may be awkward and clumsy, but we do have control over ourselves. And when we make things harder than they need to be, maybe we should reexamine what we're eating...I mean, thinking!
So, you are what you eat, how does clumsy taste anyway?
