When I was in the sixth grade, I volunteered to give out pro-life roses after Mass at my church. It was the first time I learned about abortion.
I vividly remember standing in my kitchen with my mom, who was explaining to me the brutal process that occurs when women choose to terminate their pregnancies. I wasn't old enough to understand how controversial this issue was, my twelve-year-old brain could only comprehend the killing of unborn babies.
At that point in my life, I didn't know much about political parties. It wasn't until I got to high school that I realized I had grown up in a highly conservative, catholic environment, but a very liberal, catholic family.
The older I got, the more confused I felt about where I stood about abortion. Going to a catholic high school where the majority of the population was Republican had an affect on me.
Every time a conversation was opened about abortion, most people related it to rape and murder, I would be lying if I said I never used those terms to describe it as well. I felt an immense amount of guilt each time I considered speaking up about a woman's right to choose. I felt like I was denying all of the teaching that had been instilled in me for so long, it as as if I had to choose between being a feminist and being a catholic, two extremely important parts of my identity.
Then I got to college and realized I wasn't the only person in the world that felt this way. College has taught me to own my opinions without feeling like I need to satisfy one specific aspect of my self.
That doesn't meaning accepting your own political beliefs that are contradictory to the way you were raised is easy.
That doesn't make owning it a simple task.
As an active member of College Democrats who surrounds herself with liberal democrats for friends, the abortion discussion still makes me uncomfortable, just in a new way. I often find myself staying quiet whenever our political conversations switch to the topic. This time, I'm the minority.
I've come to the conclusion that I don't believe abortion will ever be the right choice for me. Maybe it's because I'm Catholic, or because I do believe its the termination of a life before it even begins.
Perhaps it's my anxiety, but I could never deal with the "what if", wondering what that child could do with the life its been given. I think about all of the couples who yearn to start a family but can't because they cannot conceive or because they are the same gender.
It doesn't seem fair to me to end all of that opportunity before it can even truly begin, I personally feel like I could wait out nine months.
Why you might ask? Well, throughout the years I've Iearned the transition my parents made when my mother became pregnant her fresman year of college. In a matter of nine months they realized what it took to bear this new life, me, and become "adults."
The fact that I would not be here, writing this, if my mom had not chosen life, still amuses me.
But I know not all women feel like they can make that same decision, and I don't believe that it is my place or anyone else's to attempt to regulate what they choose to do with their bodies.
Owning other human beings in the United States was outlawed in 1865, so I cannot imagine why, in 2016, there are so many people who think it is the government's job to tell a woman what decision is best for her personal well-being. We stopped owning human beings long ago, so we shouldn't be trying to own women now.
I will stand by my belief that abortion is the termination of a human life, because that is how I have been influenced by the catholic part of my life. But I will also stand by my belief that all women have the right to choose what is best for their bodies, mental state, and personal well-being, because that is how I have been influenced by the feminist part of my self.
I believe that more employers, including catholic schools, need to provide adequate access to contraceptives and sex education in order to prevent unwanted pregnancies. I believe that we need to generate open and honest dialogue about this issue, because, potentially, it can affect half of the population of the United States.
I am anti-abortion. I am pro-choice. And I am so proud that I am finally able to accept that, absolutely guilt-free.
