The definition of the word “almost” is: not quite or very nearly.

Used in a sentence: The dog almost barked. The boy almost made it. The man almost loved. They were an almost.

“They were an almost,” is a phrase people use to describe relationships that were almosts. They don’t have an end time. They ambiguously ended somewhere in a timeline. Their end almost has a start, middle, end to themselves. Someone ended the relationship without telling the other person or persons involved. These relationships can be friendships, romantic relationships, sexual relationships and even family relationships. Another name for these relationships are “lost loves.”

Most people know the phrase, “we just stopped talking.” That phrase is probably the reason to the ending of a lot of “almost” relationships. In my experience of being an almost something, it feels like a break up without the sustenance of a breakup. It feels like a break up without the heart wrenching of a break up. The relationship just faded into what it is now, nothing. Sometimes what was before the relationship remains well and good, sometimes it doesn’t.

In my experience of being an almost, there is a sort of longing left. A small feeling of heartbreak that shouldn’t be there. Being an almost is different. I’ve tried explaining it to different people and each time, every person has their own story. Their own, unique story of being an almost. Some were almost married, some were almost lovers, some were almost friends. But every story has the same ending. “We just stopped talking.”

It’s hard to rekindle the leftovers of an almost relationship. I’ve tried but most times you’re left wondering what happened between then and now. There will always be that question of what made the relationship fail in the first place. There is almost never the resolution of those questions at the end of the day. Just the rekindled feeling of loss and heartbreak.

So why am I writing this? Why am I writing a piece about almost relationships? It’s because I was recently reminded of one of my more prominent and recent almosts. I was reminded of the feeling of loss and heartbreak, I was reminded of the empty feeling that was left when the prospects of a relationship were killed.

But my almost was different. We were friends before and we are friends now. It’s just that every so often, I’m reminded of our almost. I’m reminded that I cared for this man so deeply and fully, but I couldn’t further my intentions. We both had our reasons, all very valid, but sometimes I wonder if it was just a fear about being in a relationship. That’s all just speculation, though. The only ones that really know the real reason why there is no relationship are the parties involved. Him and I.

So maybe in the future our almost will be more, but at present our almost will remain an almost and he will be a story I tell people when I’m talking about almosts.