I have always thought Father's Day was the worst holiday due to the fact that I've had an absent father my entire life. I have dreaded it for the longest time. I used to let it define me. I pitied myself because someone didn't want me. I was one half of my father and he chose to ignore it. He chose to have different kids and a different life. Whatever else he chose, I'm not sure, but it was never me.
I thought I wasn't good enough. I felt abandoned for years. I still feel a pang in my chest when I think about the father-daughter relationship I never had with the man who contributed to my existence.
Out of spite, I sent a graduation invitation addressed to him at his workplace to let him know that despite the fact that he left me to grow up with only a single parent, I made it and I was going to go on to do bigger and better things.
I stopped feeling bad for myself around the time I turned 18. I told myself that I was an adult now, and if he didn't try to make it right by the time I was a legal adult, then he never would. He never has. He probably never will.
I'm OK with that. Father's Day is still the worst holiday just because somewhere out there, some other kids are celebrating the man that was too coward to own up to his first-born child. But I think, out of everything that has happened, or lack thereof, I came out on top.
I grew up to be an independent woman that doesn't need any man, because the one man that should have been there from the start bailed.
I grew up knowing that I should appreciate my mom and my grandparents 1000 times more, because they were the ones actually there for it all.
I grew up with high expectations for any guy that came my way because of my situation. I no longer pity myself for not having a dad. It's actually very common. I know plenty of people that have little to no contact with their biological father. Most of them turned out fine. I turned out fine. I turned out better than I probably would have had he have been in my life all these years.
A fatherless Father's Day is no worry of mine.
All these years I thought I was missing out. But he's the one that's missing something great.
