I know you've probably already read 201 articles pertaining to Donald Trump's win on Tuesday, but writing and organizing my thoughts helps me process what has happened. These are my fresh, raw thoughts regarding the new situation:

Damn we were so close, weren't we. We almost made history, we almost had the opportunity to further progress socially, we almost proved to the world that we are the shining beacon of hope and freedom that we claim to be. We were so close, so close to proving all of that. But we were just too far to make it, and that's heartbreaking.

Heartbreak and devastation.

Those are the only words I can use that truly, accurately describe the feeling I had watching the television coverage of the results. When Clinton lost Ohio, my heart sank. It sunk further when she lost Florida. It was practically at my feet by the time she lost Wisconsin. It was six feet under when Trump's victory was declared.

I felt numb. It didn't seem real. A man that we laughed at when he declared that he was running is now our president. I felt numb, and then I felt fear, guilt and dread.

I am so afraid. I am afraid for my best friends, many of who are minorities. I am afraid for my sister, not yet in high school and already having encountered serious sexism and prejudice. I am afraid for myself, because when I was collecting money outside a supermarket to donate to a local organization, a man approached me and asked me if my mom was with me. I am afraid because my president does not care that I am afraid or does not find my fear valid.

I feel guilty. As someone with Trump-supporting family members who live in battleground states, I cannot help but feel partially responsible for their choice. I never tried to get them to see my side- the side that would have voted democratically. And, yes, I understand that everyone has the responsibility of choosing to vote for whichever candidate they personally feel will benefit them. But, I could have tried-- something is always better than nothing. I did nothing.

I am dreading these upcoming four years. At a time so charged by social tension, we need a leader who will ease the tension and solve the problems causing it. I am skeptical, so say the least, that Donald Trump is capable of doing such. I would be less surprised to see that he added fuel to the fire and made the situation worse with an off-color comment. I feel like most of the country (and the world?) will be waiting for him to ignite and implode.

However, if there is anyone I dislike more than Donald Trump, it is Michael Pence, so Donald: please hire the best security detail money can buy. I could not stand to live in a country led by a man who thinks electro-shock therapy as a way to "cure" homosexuality is a better use of government resources than AIDS research and treatment.

Now, I have to say that I want nothing more in the world than to have my assumptions and expectations of what could be one of the worst presidencies in American history proven wrong. I would love it. I want to believe the supporters who say he will make America great again, but I can't actively believe in the slogan of a man I so fundamentally disagree with.

I am afraid. I am devastated. I am heartbroken.

Donald, please show me that these feeling are unwarranted.

Please.