I have not met a single person who doesn't have something about themselves that they don't like. With social media standards, and society's criticism, it is hard to love yourself.
My struggle with my self image started in middle school. I felt different but not in a good way. I compared myself to the "popular" girls and wondered why I couldn't be like them. Disregarding my shy personality, I started to pick away at my appearance.
First was my hair, that I hated, so I wore it clean and clear out of my face. I started wearing makeup and dressing differently, but nothing seemed to change. Then, sadly, I decided to attack my weight.
It is a common thing that many males and females will get an eating disorder in high school. It has the highest rate of deaths among any disorder. I hope there are people who can relate.
My relationship with food plummeted. The one thing that you need to survive as a human being, I was neglecting. I despised when people would tell me to "just stop and eat", it wasn't that easy. I needed help, and I was willing to starve myself for acceptance of my peers even though my thin body went unnoticed.
I cut calories completely out of my life on some days and even some weeks. I starved myself till I was going to pass out. I spent numerous night holding my knees to my thin and ribbed chest crying from the heartache that I couldn't stop.
Anorexia consumed me. It took away my ability to eat, sleep, and converse with those around me. I compared myself constantly to other girls and wondered why I still wasn't enough.
I lived in such a manner for about 3 years. I lived with a constant headache and a constant pain in my abdomen.
I struggled in the school cafeteria, and I struggled silently in my bed. No amount of words, depictions, or videos could ever amount to the pain I was in.
I am still in awe that my 90 pound body had made it. I am living and breathing a much healthier life now, and I can't help but to reflect on how far I've come.
I can't tell you the exact day or moment that I decided to love myself, but I know it was one of the best moments in my life. I love myself for me, and for every square inch of my body no matter how much it weighs.
I love me for how smart I am and how strong I can be. I love myself because I am a beautiful person on the outside and a beautiful, kind, and caring person on the inside. I love myself because I survived.
Anorexia is not pretty. It takes you until you can't deal with the pain anymore. It makes you weak and puts your bones on display. I regret the day that I ever met anorexia, and I hope to never meet it again.
Don't love yourself for your flaws, you don't have any! Love yourself because you are perfect. Love yourself not just for your beautiful looks but for how smart, how strong, and how awesome of a person you are!
