Hey God, it’s me.

I know it's’ been awhile…

I just wanted to tell you that you were right.

He wasn’t “the one,”

He wasn’t going to save me.

Drugs weren't going to help.

Sex wasn’t going to make him stay.

I haven’t heard your voice in awhile. Why did you leave me? That little voice in my head that distinguishes right from wrong is no longer there. I’m making mistake after mistake, no one can help me. I feel like I'm drowning. I'm always stuck between feeling way too much or not at all.

I can’t breathe. I know you’re just doing what I asked you to do, to stay out of my life, make it as if I never believed in you. I mean, I did spend the past year of my life questioning your existence, but I’m sorry. Come back, I can’t do this anymore. You were silent but I know you were present in my life, from the friends that prayed for me, to the people you took away from me, this was your plan. You broke me down enough to want you back in my life.

And now you're back, but I still continue to make bad choices. It’s hard to be content when I see everyone having fun and not paying the consequences. I know I’m called for something greater. Thank you for protecting me. Being able to look back and realize I got out of situations because you had a plan and getting arrested, pregnant or even dying wasn’t part of that plan. Thank you, I'm going to do better now. You're my new focus.