Dear Anxiety,

After years of having you I have just gotten used to you. We have a weird relationship. Sometimes you stay with me for weeks but sometimes you leave me for weeks to months only to randomly show up again. Sometimes I wish you would just leave me alone and leave my life forever but then I realize we are stuck for life. During times of hurt you're right here by my side 24/7, even during happy times you are right beside me. I've always kind of knew you were there even those times when you are gone...it was just a feeling that I knew you hadn't gone away completely.

Dealing with you has been hell and I'm not lying. You make my days horrible and some nights too. You are hard to explain to new friends and definitely new boyfriends. I tend not to make new friends or try at a relationship because no one ever understands you and why you are with me. Trying to deal with daily life is always a struggle because I know I cant do certain things with you and I know somethings that I do and you don't like I do them anyways but I end up dealing with you yelling at me later on in the night.

You are not only the monster in the closet but the monster that sits on my shoulder. I tend to look in the mirror occasionally and see you sitting there silently waiting, I fear you will yell at me when I want to try new things, I fear you do not think I am good at anything and that I will never say the right thing or I will say the wrong thing at the wrong time. I am dealing with you even though I do not want to. You make my heart skip a beat at time, or you make it race when a professor says the word presentation. You make me cry and hyperventilate in the middle of the night for no reason, or you make me have to pull my car over so I can get out of the car and have a mental break down on the side of the road. You are my enemy and I have learned to live with you. I have to accept the fact that you are my lifetime soul mate.