Okay, so I came up with this idea by thinking about all of these bullsh** awards shows we have for movies, television, sports, theatre, journalism, literally everything. So these are the titles you already give in your friend groups, or it's already known.
DISCLAIMER: This is purely satire, and I do not know any of these humans personally. With that being said, I take these awards very seriously.
Person I'd least like to attend a movie with: Vince Vaughn
I feel like Vince would ask me why the main guy likes this girl anyway, she's not Reese Witherspoon. Also, he'd be that guy who would get a popcorn refill and relieve himself in separate trips and ramble on, doing Vince Vaughn things. Sorry man.
Guy I'd trust to plan my bachelor party: Leonardo DiCaprio
Even though I'm sure Leo spends just as much money as every other A-list star, he somehow spends it better. Like food just tastes better with Leo, jokes are funnier, life is better. It's not a coincidence he's played every notable playboy role in the last ten years. The next best thing to being Leo is having Leo plan your bachelor party.
Girl I'd like to order a 2 AM Grand Slam with: Kristen Wiig
Is breakfast funny? No, it's delicious, but Kristen Wiig could make breakfast funny. And not like "three stooges slapstick" funny, but like genuinely funny. Especially at 2 AM. Has anybody in the world not seen Bridesmaids?
Friend I'd bring to a party I didn't want to be at: Paul Rudd
This was one of the easiest choices, the reason being that Paul Rudd can be puppy dog-faced, nice guy Paul, while being a complete jerk behind people's backs and it's awesome. Isn't that a huge part of friendship? Being nice to some people's faces and turning around and talking mad sh** to your friend about them? Paul Rudd is a cool dude.
Last guy I'd call to go to any live show: Pitbull
Do I really need to explain this one?
Friend I'd call to be my workout partner: Mark Wahlberg
I'm not on The Rock or Vin Deisel level, and I'm probably not on Marky-Mark's level, but Mark Wahlberg is cool. He just is. He's made himself pretty likeable, and I feel like he'd be patient in me working out while he repped out massive amounts of weight and made every female in the entire gym quake in their Nike free runs and spandex.
Best wing-girl: Tina Fey
Tina Fey would be an awesome wing-girl and honorary bro. She's the rare combination of good looks and a sense of humor, and you get the feeling that she could absolutely have a beer with you and could disarm any table of people with her wit. Also, points for pulling off glasses, a talent we all are not blessed with.
Friend you'd Snapchat most doing funny things: Michael Cera
Anything Michael Cera does is funny, awkward, creepy, or all of the above. But that's his niche, and it's clear he's accepted it. It's made him millions of dollars, so why not? With that being said, you could totally catch him on a daily basis doing weird Michael Cera things, and do the slow zoom-in video effect everyone is so fond of constantly. What a blessing it'd be to have weird Michael Cera stuff on your story every day.
