I have anxiety and with that comes the assumption that I’m teetering on the edge of all my personal relationships. In other words, it’s hard to feel comfortable because I think that everyone will one day see what I see in myself and have no reason to stay. Symptoms of this include becoming terribly clingy, paranoid, and apologetic. This consists of endless “hey are you mad at me?” texts, extreme over analyzation after being left on read and constantly saying sorry for merely existing. It’s frustrating because in the act of trying to keep people in my life I end up bothering them. Or at least, that’s what I was led to believe.

I have been told on multiple occasions that I’m annoying and all signs point to that being true. I purposely ask questions so whoever I’m talking to can’t get out of not answering me. If I accidentally click a Snapchat message the second the person sends it, I visibly cringe because I think that they’re going to think I’m desperate. I sometimes set a mental timer for when I answer people. I even draft certain messages in the notes section of my phone so I can make sure that my wording is right, and then instantly regret whatever I decide to send anyway.

The best way to avoid doing these things is to be confident enough in yourself to not worry about what other people think of you. Once that happens you realize that you don’t have to apologize all the time and that you’re better off without the people who couldn’t handle your anxiety. However, that’s a lot easier said than done. Losing people is tricky business and being self-assured takes a lot of work. In the meantime, those of us stuck in “everyone hates me” limbo are left to overthink.

Practically speaking – to get out of your head you need to surround yourself with people who validate you. This doesn’t have to be through daily proclamations of love but whenever you feel the need to ask if you messed up they give a simple “no.” They’re the people who see you lose your marbles at night and are still there the next day. They silently let you know that you’re important just by being present. The more of these people exist, the more comfortable you become. You slowly stop asking them the same questions because you know the answers. The more difficult side of that is letting go people of people who want to leave. Not everyone is going to like you.

Anxious or not, some personalities don’t click well. And rather than taking every hit personally, you have to learn to let them roll off your back. Instead, you can take the extra time spent not worrying about the state of your friendships and put it towards making your life a little easier to live.

Being called annoying is particularly offensive because I put an oddly large amount of effort into trying to do the opposite. But, at the end of the day, I’m kind of proud to be annoying because it means that I’m trying. And I’d rather be known as the one who tried too hard than the one who didn’t try at all.