As most of you know, if you read any of my other work, my son's father is not in the picture in any way, shape or form. Other than the child support I receive every month, he would remain nothing more than a ghost of my past. I need it to be known that I do not hate this person, despite everything he has done, or rather what he hasn’t, I couldn’t hate him. Without him, I wouldn’t have my son, my reason for breathing. Over the last two years, there has been an overwhelming abundance of drama, something I don’t normally indulge in. I don’t particularly have the energy to carry the weight around of hating someone and I don’t like feeling outraged by the bullshit of it all.
About two weeks ago, I was out with friends and Z and his girlfriend showed up at the same bar. I always thought that the first time I would really see him out in a social setting, that I would be nervous or that my anxiety would go into overdrive. However, I was surprisingly calm and unaffected by it all, I didn’t care. I’m not going to say anything to him, or her. In my eyes, there should be no reason why we can’t coexist, from a distance, and just be civil. Of course, the situation is uncomfortable, but we have the same circle of friends so it was really only a matter of time for this to happen. They don’t stay very long, I think they seemed exponentially more discombobulated than I was, but I knew exactly why they left, other than the fact that I was there.
I recently started dating an old friend of Z’s, we didn’t know each other then and from the start of it, I found myself feeling like Z didn’t need to be relevant by any means. I still feel that way. Of course, he was an issue, they used to be friends. My whole thing is, before we started dating, Z was not present in either of our lives and it remains that way. He does not have any hold on me and I don’t have many personal feelings towards him at all other than he’s the guy who abandoned my son. But once he realized I was dating his friend, I think that made him ten times more uncomfortable.
Since all of this happened, from the time I got pregnant until now, he has alienated and unfriended so many people just because they associate with me, as does his girlfriend. I can’t for the life of me understand why this is necessary because I think that it is absolutely uncalled for. I stayed friends with people who are friends with him, their opinion of him whether it’s positive or not, does not matter to me. I feel like the whole situation has been warped into me being the bad guy and I don’t think that’s fair to me at all. To say that I haven’t ran my mouth about either of them would be a lie, but that’s usually out of frustration and I’m over it in a matter of minutes. I would never show them animosity in a public place nor would I even acknowledge their existence. If either of them said hi to me, I would either smile or say hi back. I’m just at this peaceful place regarding all of this where I don’t care, I don’t care if I run into them or if we’re hanging out with the same people. I thank him and I owe it to our son to remain civil or to just ignore each other the way we have been. Just because he doesn’t know our son, doesn’t mean we have to hate each other and I really don’t understand why they hate me so much that they abandon relationships and talk about me and the situation to people I don’t even know. People who make passive aggressive moves on social media towards me, which in and of itself is so high school. They way they treat this entire situation is so juvenile, I can’t wrap my head around what they’re thinking or why they feel they need to act this way.
It came to light recently that he alleged to his girlfriend that I gave him an ultimatum of either being in a relationship with me or not seeing our son at all. I have the messages to prove that this isn’t what happened. When I first told him that I was pregnant I said “I’m not asking you to be in a relationship with me, but I do know that I want my son to know his father.” After a few weeks of him not replying, I attempted to reach out to him again and he stated he needed to get this shit together and I told him when he was ready, to talk to me. At this point, I was six weeks pregnant and we were still connected on Facebook, hormones being what they are, I saw him all over other girls on social media and hearing he was dating people and not that I was jealous, but it felt like such a huge slap in the face to me that I did give him one ultimatum, but it wasn’t me trying to force him into a relationship, it was more or less me saying “get your stuff together or don’t even bother coming around." He chose the latter. Why wouldn’t he? I gave him an easy way out. It has never been about me wanting to be with him romantically, I just wanted him to know my son. I got mad because here I was pregnant with his child and he’s off with other girls and I just felt totally disrespected. But the truth has been so warped and twisted to make me out to be the monster. I think that’s a big reason this girl hates me so much. I’m not her number one fan either and I have definitely said some things about her that I wish I hadn’t, not because I want her to like me or be her friend, but because that’s not who I am. When I first heard they were dating and after a few months, I had reached out to her to be the bigger person and to make sure there would be no hostility.
The point is, whatever bad blood you have with someone, you need to get over it. Especially when you’re in your mid to late 20s, it’s just not called for. I am not all about peace and love and hippie crap, but I do think that we spend a lot of time holding resentment towards people for the wrong reasons and keep that bitterness there because we don’t know how to deal with it. I just wish that things were different for me. I wish that we could all get along and not have this tense friction in the air surrounding us and between us. I don’t want that and I never did. Maybe it’s too late for that and I’m not asking anyone to be my friend or to even like me, I just think there needs to be a mutual respect and to just let each other live our lives and to be cool about things and not go off running our mouths and being assholes to each other. I’m over that, I’m exhausted from it.
To the both of you, and I don’t have to say this, but I am sorry for the things I have said, I mean that genuinely. The people that know me, know I have a lot of pride and I don’t apologize for anything unless I feel like it’s absolutely warranted and know that I’ve been in the wrong.
I wish you the best.
