Driving is a pretty magical achievement. It's been just over 100 years since the Ford Model T was in its heyday, and driving is now an ingrained part of our culture. Not only are there many rules and regulations that govern the road, there are entire social constructs that govern how people treat each other whilst driving.
This all goes out the window for angry drivers.
Angry driving occurs when one driver angers another to the point of prompting some sort of reaction in the second automobile-ist. It's a pretty-straightforward concept; however, it is shown in many different ways. Read on to discover nine of these ways! Are you one of these types of Angry Driver?
1. The Internalizer
GiphyThe Internalizer is the quietest of the angry drivers. When faced with a situation while driving, an Internalizer will simply keep the anger felt locked in a deep, dark place in their soul. This will inevitably bubble up some other time in a completely unrelated subject.
Example: *A car tailgates an Internalizer*
Internalizer: . . .
*three hours later at lunch*
Internalizer: WHY IS THERE SO MUCH RANCH ON MY SALAD!?! AAAAAAHHHH!! *throws salad against wall*
2. The Plastic
GiphyThe Plastic is a ray of completely fake sunshine. When something doesn't go to their liking on the road, they will brightly declare that everything is a-okay with a large smile plastered on their face.
Don't believe them. It's all a lie, and anger boils right below the surface.
Example: *Car cuts off a Plastic*
Plastic: Oh, please, sir, you are most welcome in my lane with your lack of turn signal. I insist! *blasts a large, awkward smile*
3. The Flipper
GiphyThe Flipper is someone who can switch from normal to psycho angry driver to normal again in about three total seconds. This can be quite abrupt for passengers, especially if the driver in question is in the middle of a conversation.
Example: *waiting at a red light*
Flipper: So, Cathy was running after this chipmunk, trying to catch it, and bless her THE LIGHT'S GREEN, GOOOOOO! bless her soul, it just ended up chasing her right back! Can you imagine?
Passenger: . . .remind me to find someone else to carpool with tomorrow.
4. The Flipper-Offer
GiphyAs the name suggests, the Flipper-Offer takes out their anger by flipping off anything and everything that causes said anger. Pros: It's a simple, concise way to show rage. Cons: It loses its effect after a while.
Example: *A car is going 20 miles under the speed limit*
Passenger: You know you could just pass the person instead of driving behind them for 10 miles, flipping them off.
Flipper-Offer: They must know my displeasure. *continues to hold up their middle finger*
5. The Sounding Board
GiphyThe Sounding Board is an individual who doesn't use any words known to humans to communicate irritation. Understood by possibly dogs or dolphins, a Sounding Board will emit several noises to equal the offense. What this is means, exactly, we will never know.
Example: *Sounding Board is attempting to merge but isn't allowed by other drivers*
Sounding Board: *several loud screeching noises*
6. The Clencher
GiphyThe Clencher is someone who will clench their hands, jaw, and who knows what else (and I'm sure I don't even want to know) in order to express their anger. It's often quite uncomfortable to look at them whilst they do this, but it's better to just let it pass.
Startling them will only make them tense up more.
Example: *A car rides in the blind spot of a Clencher*
Clencher: *slowly tenses up everywhere*
Passenger: Do you know you have three veins popping out of your forehead. *notices a fourth appears* Never mind, as you were.
7. The Hoot and Holler-er
GiphyThe Hoot and Holler-er is a person who will endless rant about a particular grievance several minutes, possibly even hours after it happens on the road. Swear words, comments about the person's mother, and questions about the driver's sanity are all possible topics of conversation.
Example: *A car is driving incredibly slow in the left lane, causing a Hoot and Holler-er to pass on the right*
Hoot and Holler-er: Sheesh, would you go the speed limit, ya flippin'* idiot? That's the passing lane for a reason! Did you mother teach you anything or was she too busy dropping you on your head? Look at that, we just passed a speed limit sign. Did you see it? Obviously not, because you're still going slow as snot*, you flippin'* piece of trash?* Well, I'll tell you. . .
*censored for the children
8. The One-Way Conversationalist
GiphyThe One-Way Conversationalist can and will have full-on conversations with the driver in question, though it is quite obvious they can't see nor hear the One-Way Conversationalist. These can become quite lengthy, depending on the severity of the sin and the boredom level of a One-Way Conversationalist.
Example: *A car doesn't use a turn single to merge into the lane in front of a One-Way Conversationalist*
One-Way Conversationalist: Oh, sir, did you realize that you didn't use your turn signal? No? Well, could you please use it next time? It's simply that it could be very dangerous not to use your turn signal to indicate that you're merging. Now, I'm a pretty observant driver, so I saw you just in the nick of time, but do you see how that could've led to a nasty accident?
9. The Stalker
GiphyDon't be afraid, the Stalker is much less scary that Liam Neeson trying to find his daughter. This particular angry driver will plan out the discovery and demise of the offending driver in great detail without actually enacting any of it.
Usually the deaths involve fiery explosions, and the depth of the details vary between length of time a Stalker holds a grudge and the amount of imagination that same Stalker possesses.
Example: *A car cuts off a Stalker*
Stalker: *imagines a detailed execution story in which they call Liam Neeson, disposes of the offender with speed and efficiency*
