I wish we were spending time with each other

The way we used, you and I.

When I'd look across the table and you weren't checking the time

When I'd look at you and the feeling would be mutual.

When you'd look back at me and the excitement would be fueled.

I wish these feelings would go away,

Vanish in thin air

Because the extent of the unfairness is just too much to bare.

When I feel this it hurts me and when we talk about it, it hurts you.

And even though it burns to keep it inside, I think that's what I'll do.

I love you too much to say anything more

To your beautiful, innocent face, I can't do it--

I won't do it.

I read your letter again yesterday,

I haven't touched it since.

You said things would change

And I wanted to let you know they did.

Physically not mentally, or emotionally you see.

You are across from me more which is nice

But I miss when you were next to me.

I miss feeling our connection

I will always exude it, show it off and wear it proud

I will tell my children about you and I.

And how we lit up the night

For you are the greatest love story in my book

Nothing beats it in my eyes

I wish I depended on you less.

I wish I didn't look to you for so much.

You'd probably really like that too

Codependency sucks

You gave without trying,

Or so you made it seem.

I know in truth you had to try very hard

Which was interesting to me.

I don't know if it was because you had no one else

Or because I swept you underneath my wing

But the way you loved was so intriguing,

Is still so intriguing to me.

I had a few friends who used to stand next to me too

I can count them on one hand

One, two, three,

Now that they've left

The way I remebered them last

Lives up on shelf in a shadow box

So I could preserve our memories.

I miss them, but they didn't want to stick around

So now only their memories are bound to me

I don't want you to be like them

I don't want you to be just a memory

A story that begins with, "I had this friend once..."

A story that beings with, "We don't talk much anymore but..."

And I'll fight to keep it from getting there

Which requires me to put my feelings aside

And even though I might cry

And feel lonely inside

I believe you are worth it

I believe we are worth it

I love you too much

To let you go in any sense of the phrase

I don't want to lose you

As I am fighting

So maybe now I'll just stop writing...